Interview With A Psychopath
by DeathNoteRoleplays
Summary: During Beyond Birthday's final days in the asylum, with the help of his doctor and a camera, video tapes recorded everything and anything Beyond could tell the world about his past. From before Wammy's House, to during Wammy's, to his true thoughts on A and L, to Los Angeles, to breaking out of prison, etc. Secrets are revealed here... {Basically a collection of Beyond's memories!}
1. Chapter 1

The red light from the camera flashed repeatedly in my equally crimson colored eyes, indicating it was actually recording, and the doctor hadn't lied to me. That's a first.

"Mr. Birthday.." I can hear that impatient voice of his in front of me. My eyes stayed focus on the steady, almost rhythmic flashing of that small red light. Missssssster Birthday. Why does he have to put so much emphasis on the 's'? I want to ask him, but that would require unnecessary speaking. And that wasn't something I liked to do.

"Mr. Birthday." He repeated in a more stubborn tone, pushing up his horn rimmed glasses with his index finger. This time I allowed my attention to snap over to the new doctor, the one who probably feared for his life just as much as the last, though he knew better than to show it. That was exactly what I lived off of, after all. The fear of others. I loved it. I hated it.

"Tell me what happened with your last doctor, hm? Dr. Reynolds, was it?" I knew he could see an undetectable emotion flash through my eyes momentarily, though I turned my head down to hide it, staring at the bloodstained straightjacket that had my limbs restrained. This wasn't the first time they tried to set up my first interview like this. What fools they were, to believe I'd sit willingly in such a small white room with a man holding a camera so close to my face. And without a straightjacket? I smashed that camera so fast, as if it were a race, and ran for the door! But was restrained.. Of course.

The thought of me kicking and flailing like an animal brought a chuckle to my lips, flipping my raven bangs out of my eyes, only to have them fall back into place. "Hm?" The doctor rose an eyebrow expectantly, removing his glasses to clean them with his left sleeve. "What's so funny, Mr. Birthday? Something you'd like to share?" He leaned in a bit eagerly in his seat, knowing better than to get too close. That was something I hated as well. Almost as much as being touched without permission. I'd bite his finger off if he dared do something so foolish.

"BB." I stated bluntly, locking eyes with the man before me, Dr. Phillip. "Excuse me?" He blinked. "Call me BB." I chewed on the inside of my bottom lip, tugging a bit at the restricting jacket. Usually, in time, I learned how to escape these things. But that damn medication.. It wasn't necessarily easy to concentrate after taking those pills. "Alright, then.. BB.." He smiled poiltely, nodding his head as encouragement to continue. "Tell me what happened, yeah?"

Preparing myself to go through the story, yet again, I closed my eyes and cleared my throat...

_Flashback_

_I never liked going to appointments for therapy in the damn asylum, but I also knew there was no way around it. I sighed and squirmed a bit uselessly in the straightjacket, walking in the middle of the room after kicking the door shut behind me. _

_"Ah, BB! Always a pleasure." Dr. Reynolds grinned and spun around to face me in his chair, looking me up and down with his eerily bright green eyes and cracking his knuckles. That was something he always did before starting our sessions, which was how I knew to take my seat on the comfortably velvety chair. _

_"Mind taking this off, doc?" I asked sarcastically, raising a brow, squirming a bit more to show him what I meant. "The straightjacket? Well.. I suppose you have been on impressive behavior lately, Beyond, I might as well give you a reward, no?" He smiled. I sighed deeply and nodded my head, waiting impatiently as the jacket was released, and dropped lightly to the crystal white floor by my feet. "You're welcome." Dr. Reynolds chuckled and picked up the blood stained jacket, smoothing it out a bit before placing it on the end of the velvet chair. "You'll have to put it back on when you leave though, alright?"_

_I nodded my head slowly, plopping down with a content sigh and leaning on my back against the seat, arms and feet raised highly in the air, much like a child might do while bored, and wiggling my toes with a smirk. Most patients here were glad to be offered laceless shoes or white socks, but I was glad to be allowed to go barefoot. It was more comfortable, really. "They gave you the new meds, huh?" He chuckled. I nodded quickly with a smirk, rolling onto my side to face the doctor. "BB calls them loopy meds!" I informed him, referring to the voice inside my head, the true Beyond Birthday. There are two of us. One who doesn't like going near other people.. Me.. And one who likes to brutally murder humans.. Him.. But, that's a different story for a different time._

_Already understanding my condition, he simply chuckles and shrugs it off. "Alright, Beyond, last time you were here.. We left off on an interesting topic, wouldn't you agree?" He tilted his head slightly. I blinked, trying my best to remember back to last session, though it was quite a blur. Suddenly, the smiling face of a young blonde boy appeared in my mind, as if the other BB was helping me to remember. "A..." I trailed off quietly, raising my hand to bite my thumb nail thoughtfully, much like L would do. Yet another habit I picked up from watching that damn panda._

_"That's right, Beyond.. A.. Tell me about him, yeah?" He got out that dark brown clipboard of his, pressing a ballpoint pen to the paper, prepared to take notes on whatever stories I could give. "..." I bit my bottom lip and adjusted comfortably in the seat, curling in my toes and biting my other thumb nail as a way of distraction._

_**"Would you like me to take over, Beyond?"**__ I heard the voice whisper in my head. It's the other BB. The one who kills. The one without emotions. I blinked a few times and slowly nodded to myself, clearing my throat. Yes. BB can do it._

_"Aiden Hades. Known as A. Born August 22, 1991. Died February 17, 2004. Hair, blonde. Eyes, blue." I started reciting the information on my only friend I'd ever have, almost as if I was reading directly off his file on a computer, and bit my thumb to keep myself from rambling on. Suddenly, I'm not so comfortable with allowing the other BB to speak, so I told him to be quiet until I say it's alright to talk again._

_"Aiden Hades, huh..?" Dr. Reynolds chuckled to himself and scribbled out writing that I couldn't quite see from this angle down on the clipboard, glancing back up at me beneath his fringe. "Was A your friend?" I chuckled at this, since Aiden Hates was much more to be than my first and best friend. "He was.. My first friend. My only friend. My love." I admitted shamelessly, smiling slightly. The memory of A always did bring a smile to my lips. _

_The doctor did seem surprised to learn this information, though he kept it to himself. Everyone believes me to be incapable of love, which I guess is true now. But not back then. I wasn't the monster I am today back then. I hadn't snapped just yet. "What happened to A, Beyond?" He asked, twirling the pen absentmindedly between his fingers in his right hand. I didn't like the look in his eyes. It was stone cold.. Accusing.. It changed from such a playful demeanor he always wore.. Could it be.. He _blamed _me?!_

_"I didn't kill him." I stated bluntly, gritting my teeth and glaring just as harshly back at Dr. Reynolds. I've been accused in the past for killing A, whether my motives were jealousy, hatred, etc., and setting it up to make it appear to be a suicide. But I didn't! I'd _never_ do _anything_ to hurt my beloved Aiden!_

_"You didn't?" He asked questioningly, that damn look on his face.. Did he have a split personality as well? It sure did seem this way. This wasn't the doctor I'd just been starting to trust! It couldn't be! "Maybe you didn't know what you were doing, Beyond. You mentioned something the last visit about fighting with A before his death. Maybe that's why you-" _

_Having heard enough, I jumped up from my seat and bolted towards Dr. Reynolds, slamming him against the wall in attack, and knocking over that stupid chair on wheels. "I didn't kill him!" I screamed, my voice sounding more like a demonic growl than anything human. When it came to A.. On top of being accused for lying when I most certainly would not lie in a situation like this.. I was not joking around. _

_Dr. Reynolds looked petrified in the moment, almost as if he saw his life flashing through his eyes, reflecting off my fiery ruby red orbs, knowing he was destined to die right here and now. All because of a stupid thought he should have kept to himself, and not attempted to share with the crazy and psychotic, emotionally unstable and mentally insane, serial killer Beyond Birthday. That is all I am. That is all I will be._

_I choked him to death. I dug my nails deeply into his neck, so deep that blood was pouring down his neck and my hands. But I didn't stop there, even after he choked on his own blood and died, pulse and heartbeating fading away. I continued to scream and kick at his dead and disgustingly bloody body, protesting his last beliefs before he died, and attempting to quickly wipe off the dark crimson blood onto my straight jacket, which was quickly fastined on me before I was sedated. The last thing I saw.. Before blacking out.. Was the fearful look on his unshaved face. Usually I loved blood. But not his. I still don't know why._

_I remember going to sleep that night in my dark little cell, dreaming that A would gain his life back in exchange for Dr. Reynolds', and break me out of here to take me away somewhere far. We always wanted to travel around the world as kids. Different countries, cities, even continents. I couldn't wait to grow up and live with him, the only person I knew I'd ever love. _

_But how very, very wrong I was._

_oOo_

**Author's Note: So uh, there you have it! Every chapter will basically be Beyond telling this new doctor memories, which are flashbacks, and I'm not yet sure if they will be in any particular order. Hope you liked it, please leave a review on whatcha think, it'd really help me on whether or not to continue and it only takes a few seconds! If there are any specific memories you'd like to hear about, such as the first time Beyond impersonated L or the first time he met A, etc., review that as well. c: Have a good day!**

**-BB**


	2. Chapter 2

I opened my eyes after a moment of silence, looking expectantly up at my new doctor. The story had ended. There was nothing else to tell about that event. I made a promise to myself and to the doctor - not that I really cared about him - that I would tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Besides, what did I need to lie for, anyway? We both knew Kira would kill me eventually, it was really only a matter of days, wasn't it? I didn't have much time. I might as well let the world know everything I've done and gone through.

"I see." Dr. Phillip pushed his glasses up with one finger on the bridge of his nose, looking down at that dumb clipboard in his hands and finishing up his notes. Why would he be taking notes if the camera was still rolling? I wanted to ask this, but yet again, did not find it important enough to inquire about.

"You mentioned an Aiden Hades quite a few times, didn't you? Tell me about him?" Dr. Phillip asked hesitantly. My attention snapped back up to him with a bone chilling glare, automatically feeling defensive on this topic, and squirming a bit in the straightjacket. As if that would do me any good. "I didn't kill him." I stated bluntly, legs swinging back and forth absentmindedly at a normal pace from where I sat at the small interrogation table. Now that I really took the time to study it, it actually did resemble the table I was forced to sit at back in jail at age fourteen...

"I never said you did." The doctor blinked and held up both hands, shaking his head. His facial expression _did _look innocent enough.. So perhaps I could believe him. Even if I didn't, there'd be nothing threatening I could do, restrained like this. "I want to know about him, BB. Tell me, what were you two? Good friends, huh? How did you two meet?" He decided to start off by asking an easy memory, huh? Sounded simple enough.. I know how doctors work, I know exactly what they go for.. And I try to beat them at their own mind games..

"The day I met A.." I sighed, looking down at my lap and chewing on the inside of my bottom lip, as I easily recalled my first day in Wammy's House...

_Flashback_

_Ever since I was born into the world as Rue Ryuzaki, I was always a troublemaker. A nightmare, as mother might have put it, back before she died in a train accident. I was a little demon, according to various adults and children. Demon spawn, was another popular one. And I always believed it. But I didn't know how to deal with such sad emotions inside me. I figured that if no one would ever take the time to get to know me, judging me immediately by my vibrant crimson red eyes to be evil, then I would show them evil. I never stopped tormenting the other children. I actually ended up proving everyone right. _

_But one day.. Someone different showed up. His real name wasn't revealed to anyone - Though I was already able to find out by simply glancing above the new kid's head - But he was allowed to go by the letter 'A'. A for alternate, they said. B for backup, they said. That was how it always was, no matter how much A and I despised those aliases. Alternate. Backup._

_But I'm getting ahead of myself, here. _

_When I first talked to A, he was sitting by himself in the library, head buried in a thick book. Like the kind I would read. A mystery book, I remember. I figured A would be just another new kid to torture every day, maybe his reactions would be fun enough to focus on him more than the others. I knew from the moment he stepped in the door, that A was interesting. More intriguing than any of the others could ever hope to be. But why?_

_"Aiden Hades." I greeted from behind him with my signature smirk, rocking back and forth absentmindedly on my heels and studying the blonde up and down. His blue eyes widened slightly in surprise to learn that someone else knew his birth name, staring right back at me innocently, and taking in my appearance. My shining crimson red hues. He was staring at them. Would he end up being afraid of me as well? That wouldn't be very fun._

_But it _was _different! He turned around more in the chair to face me and gave a soft smile, closing the book and setting it down on the table with a small wave. "B. Watari told me who you were." A glanced over at the empty chair beside him, gesturing towards it. "Would you like to sit with me?" It was my turn now to be genuinely shocked, since I _certainly_ was not expecting a reaction like this! What, was he expecting to be friends or something? Why? Surely, Watari or Roger must have told A to be careful around me. They have to other children. So why was Aiden Hades not following these orders? _

_"You... Want me to sit with you?" I asked dumbly, confidence definitely lowering now and standing completely still, almost as if my feet were glued to the floor. "Uh huh." A nodded with another smile. "Why is that surprising? I've heard a bit about you, but you don't seem as scary as the others make you out to be. You actually seem like someone who could be a great friend." He gave a thumbs up with a laugh..._

_No._

_No._

_This is not what happened._

_I'm sorry._

_I promised I wouldn't lie.. But here I go again._

_Aiden and I weren't friends from the start._

_He did try to avoid me at first._

_I was intrigued by him. I followed him and.. Almost stalked him in a way._

_The first time we met, he told me he thought my eyes were cool. No one had ever said that to me before. I wasn't at all intimidating to him, and that interested me greatly. Shortly after saying that, he picked up his book quickly, and exited the library, leaving me behind. That's the moment I decided, I could not possibly let Aiden go. So I followed him whenever I could, whether I stayed hidden or decided to make it obvious. And eventually... Eventually we started talking on a normal basis._

_Aiden Hades was the nicest and most pleasant human I will ever know. He always cheered me up whenever I seemed upset. He gave me hugs... I'd never hugged anyone before. My Mom didn't count, she only hugged me a few times when I was extremely young. Before I even had a memory._

_A never liked strawberry jam. He said it was too sweet, but he still tried it for me. No, his thing was blueberry jam. He _loved_ that stuff. Sometimes we'd mix the two jars in a big bowl to make purple, and it was actually very delicious. Even after leaving Wammy's House, I would still buy both blueberry and strawberry jam to mix it into purple for a few jars. A and B's special flavor. _

_We knew almost everything there was to know about eachother. I knew he was an only child, just like me. I knew his Mom and Dad died in a fire accident in their building, and that a neighbor managed to save his life. I knew he enjoyed mathematics more than anything else school related, and he offered to help me on the homework I could never seem to complete on my own. He was a star student. He was ten times smarter than I._

_I knew he loved reading mystery books, and we read novels together as we got older. I knew whenever he concentrated, whether it be writing or reading, he'd lick his lips or bite the lower one without even realizing. I thought it was cute. But I hadn't told him this until a year before his death, when we were twelve. When we first met that day in the library, we were six. _

_The more I got to know A's outgoing and amazing-in-every-way personality, the more I fell for him. His laugh.. Truly was contagious. His smile as well. I loved it. I loved _him_. The day I met A changed my life, because after that, I knew I would always be happy whenever I was with him. _

_One time, we were watching a movie on the television in my room, and a romantic scene came on. This was before we discovered our feelings for eachother, so I glanced over to snicker at the flustered expression on his face. "You're blushing." I pointed out with a smirk, casting my gaze back up to the screen. "It's just kissing, A." He huffed and covered his cheeks with his hands, as if tha would make his blush fade quicker. "I know. But still." He looked over at me, and my hand. I always did wonder why he did that. Was it because he wanted to hold my hand? I wish I knew. I would've held his before he had the chance to even make a move._

_"What? You won't be kissing someone you love, then?" I chuckled, raising an eyebrow and turning my attention back to A, the one I secretly wanted to kiss. I found myself sneaking peaks down at his lips as he talked, as if I wanted to lean in and share a first kiss with him right then and there. We were ten years old, and I was already thinking of kissing my best friend. My only friend. _

_"I will.. But.." He squirmed awkwardly where he sat, biting that bottom lip of his again. "I still get shy around those things." He mumbled, to which I had to laugh. "How cute." I commented with a grin, narrowly avoided getting smacked in the face with a pillow. "It's not cute." He insisted with a huff, tossing the pillow back behind him on the bed and folding his arms across his chest. _

_I smirked and looked up at the screen, which had already progressed to more dialogue. "A, when you get older, can you picture yourself loving and being with a girl?" I asked curiously. He blinked widely at my sudden question. "Well.. Maybe.. But I'm not so sure who with." At the time, I didn't know A didn't like females. I didn't know that I was the one he wanted to be with. But if I had, maybe I could have changed a lot about the future._


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Phillip didn't judge me. Not one bit. I could tell by the look in his eyes. Dr. Reynolds always looked a bit uncomfortable when A was mentioned, as if the idea of two males being together was wrong. But Dr. Phillip was just fine with it, just as anyone would be with a relationship between a male and a female.

"Well, BB.. I can definitely tell Aiden was an important part of your life." He smiled with a nod, as I watched his hand finish writing whatever notes he was clearly taking of A. I wonder what's on that clipboard.. I want to ask him, but I wouldn't say anything. And even if I did, I doubt I'd get to see.

"He is.." I mumbled, curling my toes in and out absentmindedly. I didn't want to use past tense when it came to how much I loved A. Because it didn't end, did it? I still love him. He is still important to me. Therefore, he _is _important to me. Not _was_. "Then tell me a bit more about him? Anything you're comfortable with sharing. You're the only one who knows so much about A, even those who have passed on never knew as much as you do. Anything you'd be willing to say.." Dr. Phillip encouraged.

I sighed and nodded my head, looking back up at the ceiling lights. Were they always this bright? Sure did seem that way to me...

_Flashback_

_I loved A's attitude of course, but it wasn't anything like mine. He was the perfect child, simply put. Always listened to adults, did well in school, didn't do anything bad, and was rarely scolded. He didn't even use swear words, unlike me, I was a potty mouth as a child. Nothing like him. But opposites do attract I suppose, huh?_

_Which is why, when I told A I wanted to sneak out of Wammy's grounds with him that night, he hesitated immediately. "I don't know about this, B.. We could get in trouble." He squirmed a bit where he sat on my bed, legs swinging back and forth. "Nah, I've done it before." I waved my hand dismissively, slipping into my old black sneakers. "Huh? You have? When?" A blinked. "Sometimes. See, even you didn't notice. That's how good I am." I grinned, holding out my hand. "Now, let's go." _

_A sighed and reluctantly took it, though he still didn't let go even after he stood. We walked quietly downstairs and out the back door, making our way past the gates of Wammy's, and down the narrow street. "Where are you taking me?" A wondered, looking around and shivering a bit from the cold. "Just a park I sometimes go to. Thought it might be a good place to hang out at, don't you agree?" I looked over at him and rubbed my thumb in circles on the back of his hand, in an attempt to warm him up. He blushed but still didn't let go, averting his royal blue eyes ahead. "Yeah.. It's been awhile since I've been to a park. My Mom used to take me there all the time." He smiled._

_Once we reached the park, he let go of my hand to sit down on a swing, holding onto the ropes with both hands and pushing himself off the ground. I took the swing beside him, and for a few minutes, we were having a sort of contest to see who could swing higher, though A soon complained about me going 'impossibly high'. I laughed and slowed down a bit before jumping off, landing smoothly on my feet and standing a reasonable distance away from A's still moving swing to avoid injury. _

_"You jump off too." I dared him with a devious smirk. "Huh? No way, I'd probably fall!" A shook his head quickly, gripping tightly onto the ropes as if I'd force him off. "No you won't, 'cause I'll catch you." I insisted with a snicker. "Why do I have such little faith in you.." A joked with a grin, eventually agreeing to my idea. "Don't worry, I got you." I smirked and stood in front of the swing, arms out wide. I was glad A was smaller than me, since I only went stumbling back slightly when I caught him. I hit my back against the fence but laughed, since it barely hurt or ripped the fabric of my black hoodie. _

_The next minute.. I remember so clearly._

_I remember once we stopped laughing, neither of us made an attempt to move. I remember tilting A's chin up and leaning in, as I kissed his lips for the first time, and held him close. I remember how fast my heart raced in my chest, feeling nervous for that split second that A remained frozen, eyes widened. But then.. After I felt him kissing back.. I was happier than ever._

_After that day, we were no longer just best friends. We were much more than that. Did we ever give eachother the title of 'boyfriend' or being in a relationship? Not exactly. But I knew he was mine, and he knew I was his. That was all that mattered. We were even more inseperable after that, than we had been as just friends. _

_He started sleeping in my room every night after that, too. Our rooms were right beside eachother, so it wouldn't be hard for him to sneak out at night. But I always made room for him in my already small bed, wrapping his arms around him once he was beside me and kissing him whenever we were alone. He hugged me for a second longer after the day at the park, and I started hugging him first as well, which was something I never used to do. We went back to the park more often after that as well, it became our special spot._

_I was the one to say 'I love you' first. "I love you, Aiden." I told him one night before bed, nuzzling affectionately into his warm neck. I was so much more affectionate when I was younger than now, huh? Now, I don't know what love feels like anymore. And I suppose I never will again. Because I'll never get to hear A tell me 'I love you' again, or feel his warm hugs, or kiss his lips. Not even hold his hand. _

_End of flashback_

"When we first met.. You said it was true that you were a monster." Dr. Phillip stated after a moment of silence, taking off his glasses to clean the lense with his sleeve. "But that's not true, BB." He offered a warm smile, putting them back on a second later. "Monsters don't have that kind of love, not even from the start. Even if you don't think you have those emotions anymore.. What you had with Aiden was special, and something 'monsters' don't have."

I don't know why.. But.. Hearing that.. It just made me so much more relieved. Happier. A smile graced my lips, believing that maybe I wasn't a lost cause after all. Maybe I wasn't as monstrous as others make me appear to be. "Thank you." I mumbled quietly, thanking someone for the first time in forever, and blinking away what could have been possible tears brimming in my eyes. I couldn't help it. That's just what the thought of A did to me. Made me human.

I was happy to provide both the video and Dr. Phillip with more memories A and I had, though I left out our more intimate times, figuring that wouldn't be something I was comfortable with everyone who watched the video to hear. We were thirteen years old, and gave our virginity to eachother. Did I regret it? No. We just loved eachother that much. And it was only two days before I said 'I love you' to him for the last time...

"BB.. I know this might be hard for you.. But I'd like to hear how Aiden died. I want to know from your prospective, and really feel your emotions.. Will you tell me? Take your time." He cleared his throat, leaning forward a bit more in his seat expectantly. The sparkle from happiness in my eyes died immediately, as an image of a bloody A hanging by a rope in his bedroom closet came to mind. I visibly shuddered, which I noticed Dr. Phillip take note of.

_Flashback_

_We had a fight the night before it happened. Our first fight._ **Ever**. _It wasn't worth fighting about, now that I look back on it, I wish I just kept my damn mouth shut. But the numbers above his head.. There was still so many more years left for him! He would've lived for a long time! How was I supposed to know his lifespan could change within five seconds from a stupid deicison he'd make alone in his bedroom?_

_I got angry. I didn't like how A was too stressed all the time from L's work, how we could never spend that much time together anymore without A turning back to complete some homework L gave him. I wanted all his attention. He was mine. I told him that. He argued that he needed to do this for his future, he needed to succeed L and live up to everyone's expectations. He told me this was all getting too stressing for him, and he felt trapped. But I argued back. I told him he didn't _have _to stress himself with all this work, and that if he started going down in the academics department, L would soon give up on him and turn to the next successor. Of course, that would probably be me.. But it wouldn't be hard for L to ignore me, due to my reputation._

_I grabbed A's wrist and pulled him closer, but that was only because I was trying to hug him.. He thought I was going to hurt him, flinching and raising his hands in self defense. I stared at him with widened crimson eyes, watching him run out my bedroom door, and slam his own. "A!" I chased after him and knocked hard on his door, though I recieved no answer, just as expected. "I love you.. Please.." I knew he couldn't possibly hear that part, I only whispered it to myself._

_I couldn't stand to sit there and listen to him crying on the other side of the door, knowing he was probably curled up under the covers, the door locked and a chair in front of it. If only I was as good at picking locks back then as I am now._

_The next morning.. I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. In my sleep, I was actually hugging a pillow and not A. I sighed and tossed the pillow off to the side, rubbing my eyes and pulling open the bedroom door. "A..?" I mumbled tiredly, knocking on his door once before even attempting to open it. To my surprise.. The door was no longer locked. _

_That was where my suspicion for the worst started._

_At first I assumed A might have climbed out his bedroom window, and ran off. Even that would have been better than what actually happened. "Are you awake, love?" I pushed open the door and bit my lower lip, glancing over at the unmade, empty bed. _

_A single drop of blood caught my eye on the sheets, knowing that A was always the clean freak, while I was messy. If he saw even a bit of dirt on his clothes, he'd immediately take it off and run to go clean himself up. That's just how he was. So what was he doing..? "A.." I whispered and looked over at the half open closet doors, body shaking nervously. "A.. Please.." My breathing grew shaky as I approached the doors, swinging them open with a deep breath. _

_The first thing my eyes landed on.. Were the slit wrists of the boy I loved. Blood ran down his clothes and his arm, the blade he'd used to cut himself lay abandoned on the floor. As if blood loss weren't a quick enough death, he'd tied a rope around his neck, his body hanging limply from the closet. My eyes grew wider if it were possible with a gasp, tears running down my face, hands balling into fists.. It felt like.. I couldn't breath. If this was a dream, I wanted to wake up. __**Right. Now.**__ I wanted to run to A's room, even if he was still sleeping, and hug him tightly. I'd probably be crying, but that wouldn't matter, because I'd have him here to assure me that everything was alright. And I'd never fight with him again. Never leave his side._

_Suddenly, I heard screaming. A heartbroken and tearful scream, and though I didn't recognize it, it was coming from me. I clutched my chest and dropped to my knees, hanging my head and shaking violently as I heard footsteps running upstairs. _

_After that, it was all just a blur. More screams were heard, and those weren't from me. I was ushered out of the room as quick as possible, and my eyes were hid by a blanket. They called for an ambulence, though they knew it would make no difference. What time at night did this happen? I suddenly recalled waking up for only a split second in the middle of the night.. Could that have been when he did it? If I wasn't too tired to get up, could I have ran in and saved him?_

_I think that was the only time I ever cried so heartbrokenly, allowing my tears to flow in public, and allowing everyone else to see that I was really human. That I really had feelings. That I really cared for someone. L even looked sympathetic, the man I now grew to hate. Ever since I saw A's body.. I subconsciously decided to hate L. To blame him. It _was_ his fault! His pressure! A said so himself before storming out! It couldn't have been my fault! I refused to take the blame!_

_I screamed at L and, even though he was taller than me, a sixteen year old while I was thirteen, I surprised everyone with my strength. I charged forward and started wailing on him, accusation after accusation being thrown his way until I was roughly pulled off by what might have been three people. "You killed him!" I kept screaming, "It's all your fault! I hate you! I-I'll __**kill you!**__" _

_I'll kill you._

_From that moment on, I snapped._

_I became Beyond Birthday._

_The psychotic, mentally insane, emotionally unstable, monstrous, evil, serial killing, Beyond Birthday._

_And I could never return to how I once was._

_Happy._


	4. Chapter 4

Dr. Phillip silently handed me a box of tissues from the desk beside his chair, obviously spotting the tears that brimmed in my eyes I'd been trying to hide. I didn't open my mouth to deny the tissues or even to mumble a 'thank you', just took one out and wiped my eyes with a sigh. I was glad that Dr. Phillip was the one to interview me with a camera like this, since all my past doctors were either too nosey, too happy, or too just plain out annoying. They kept trying to get inside my head, but in the most obvious and... _Annoying_ way possible. Dr. Phillip was successful at doing what all the others failed to achieve: Getting answers without too many questions. Or, to put it simply, he just wasn't annoying in my eyes.

He could also tell that A was a subject I'd be happy to steer clear of, so he cleared his throat and swiftly moved on. "You've mentioned your eyes a few times. I also heard quite a few rumors around the asylum from the fellow staff and even patients about them.. But only you know the truth. So tell me about them?" My doctor asked with a small polite smile. Not one of those wide grins the others would try to make me smile as well, but just enough to encourage me on. Make me comfortable.

"My eyes. My Shinigami eyes." I smirked proudly, chewing on the inside of my bottom lip and balling up the tissue in my right hand. "I can see human's names and lifespans above their heads. I know when everyone will die. Except myself." I allowed my crimson red eyes to shine vibrantly on command, one of the many cool perks I had from being half Shinigami, and half human. My vision was heightened, I could make them flash vibrantly whenever I wanted, I could stare into the sun all day, and could even see in the dark. I told Dr. Phillip all this, and he took notes of every word I said, though he didn't pressure me into giving away his lifespan. He only asked once, and I did not respond. I never told anyone their lifespan. I wasn't about to start today. Even if he was probably the last person that would ever ask.

"How did you get these eyes, BB? Were you born with them?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I exhaled slowly, absentmindedly ripping up the tissue that was once balled up in the palm of my hand. "I told you. My Dad was a Shinigami. A Death God, living up in the Shinigami realm." I pointed up to the ceiling with the hand that didn't clutch my tissue. "And my Mom was a human. I am the only known example of a half Shinigami and a half human. And when I die, I will get to join my Father as a Shinigami too." I grinned, excitement in my crimson hues from the thought. Though I knew once I was a Shinigami, I'd receive my own Death Note, and would be able to return to the human world whenever I decided to drop it. I just couldn't kill humans with my special knife anymore.. What a shame.

"I see.." Of course Dr. Phillip looked extemely doubtful, though he didn't say anything. His job was only to provoke me to speak more for the video, and nothing else. And people should know better than to attempt to get me to change my story. "You've never met your Father before, right? He left when you were born." I nodded in clarification. "Yes. I lived with my Mother up until age three, when she died in the train incident. I was then brought to Wammy's house."

Dr. Phillip nodded, glancing briefly down at the clipboard in his left hand, and the ballpoint pen in his right. He pressed the tip of the pen to a new page, as if he was preparing to write. "Tell me about your Mother. Anything at all. Nothing is known about her. Not even her name."

I was silent for a moment, as if I was trying hard to remember her name. But of course I did. How could I forget? The first name I ever knew, even before my own.

"Kazumi Ryuzaki."

_Flashback_

_My Father could no longer stay in the human world once I was born, since the Shinigami king forbid him to. What he did was wrong, and could easily be punished. Though he promised to stay away from us, and he is already almost as important as the king in the realm. That was what my Mom told me. Even at the age of three, even with how young and innocent one could picture me as, I still understood everything and anything she said._

_The name I was given was Rue. _

_Rue means to regret._

_I didn't have the best childhood, no surprise there, though I didn't have the worst either. I suppose we could've been poor, living on little to no money and food stamps, with my Mom working at some strip club to keep paying the bills. I could've been physically or sexually abused by someone close to me, or ended up living out on the streets, which didn't ever happen either. So one might say I should've considered myself lucky. _

_I don't ever remember receiving presents from my Mother, and even though we were a Christian family, I didn't even know what Christmas or Easter was. Or any holiday for that matter._

_Well.. I shouldn't say that. I did know Halloween, but that was only because Halloween and my birthday are on the same day. Yet another reason to prove to people what a demon I really was. _

_I loved Halloween. Not just because it was my birthday, but the whole holiday itself was such fun to me. Dressing up in costumes, getting candy, scary spirits or monsters lurking about.. As a child, I was obsessed with horror movies or books or anything scary. I didn't ever go trick or treating while I lived at home with my Mom, but once I got to Wammy's, things changed. I got to dress up in costumes and go out for candy with A, although he hated whenever I scared the younger children off and laughed about it. _

_I first found out about Christmas once reaching Wammy's as well, and A was extemely surprised when I had no idea what the holiday was. We watched the other children and adults decorate the tree, neatly wrapping boxed shaped presents and placing them on the rug beneath it. A got me a present every year. The first year I didn't realize what Christmas really was, and ended up being empty handed, but every year after that got better than the last._

_And isn't that sad? I received presents from A before we really got to know eachother, and none from my own mother. What a shame. But also something I didn't necessarily care about at the time. _

_What I did care about, was how she treated me. She was afraid of me, and didn't try to hide it at all. I think she was glad I didn't have Shinigami wings, and could still hear my footsteps almost silently walking down the hallway. She stocked up on jars of strawberry jam for me, and didn't make me use a spoon to eat it either, though she always put two locks on the knife drawer, after realizing I could still get in with only one lock._

_"Mommy.. Are you scared of me?" I asked her one day, licking strawberry jam off my fingers with the open jar in my lap. She stared back at me for a moment, as if she was shocked this question came to my mind, before laughing lightly and shaking her head. What a good liar. "No, Rue, Mommy isn't scared of you. Why would you say such a thing?" She didn't wait for an answer though, ruffling my hair a bit and walking quickly into the kitchen. Did she check to see if all the knives were still there? I don't know. But I did hear a drawer or two open without even having to look in her direction. If she wasn't scared of me, why would she lock my door every night, and her own as well? Why would she have such a fearful look in her brown eyes whenever I played with one of the knives, or twirled it between my fingers? Why did she ever think her own child would intentionally hurt her? To this day, I still believe there were some things that occurred before I was born that I will never know._

_I used to have nightmares a lot more often than dreams as a child. I would wake up crying in the middle of the night, hugging my stuffed bear to my chest and calling out for 'Mommy'. She'd unlock the door to enter my room and sit on the edge of my bed, pulling me into her lap and hugging me close. "It's okay, Rue.. Mommy's got you.. It's okay.. It's not real, just a nightmare.." She rarely asked what they were about, for fear that they would either become true, or be too dark and evil for her to comprehend. As if having red eyes made me Satan's spawn. Though it was moments like that, being hugged and assured that I was safe and sound, that I will cherish and remember until the day I die. I just wish I was treated that way all the time by my Mother._

_"Mommy.. How come we don't have any pictures of Daddy?" I asked one day after lunch, my legs swinging back and forth slowly from where I sat on the couch, the remote control to the TV in her hand. I don't remember what it was that we were watching.. Though I assume it was a cartoon she deemed suitable for me to watch. "Um.." She thought for a moment, glancing over towards a picture frame of just me and her, as he tried to word her answer correctly. Of course I now understand that Shinigami cannot be captured on camera, but back then, I wouldn't have understood even if she told me. "I'm not sure, Rue. I suppose Daddy never really liked taking pictures." She smiled slightly, a saddened expression on her facial features._

_Like most children, I was very curious and always asked questions about anything that came to mind. And like most children, I wouldn't stop until I received a proper answer. "What was Daddy like? Why isn't he here with us? When can we visit him? Where does he live now?" I loved to ask questions about my Dad, because I loved when she gave me answers for them. She told me my Dad was special, and that he wasn't human like the rest of us. I asked if she was a monster, and she looked shocked at my choice of words, but quickly shook her head to explain to the best of her ability._

_She said my Father was living in a realm of people like his own kind, the Shinigami. She told me Daddy had to leave once I was born, and though we technically met, I never got to see him. She said Daddy was watching over me right now, and pointed up to the ceiling. That was how I assumed the Shinigami realm must have been somewhere in the clouds, picturing it like another Heaven. But no, the Shinigami realm and Heaven cannot possibly look anything alike._

_"One day.. One day Daddy will come back. One day you two will meet. Of course, he can't stay, but.. He will visit. I just know it." My Mother gave a small hopeful smile, which was enough to end the conversation and send me running off to play with my toys. But he never visited. Not once. And never will. I always wonder if he's still alive up there, and I hope he is. Because I won't truly feel complete until I meet him, even if it's only for a brief moment._

_When I saw my Mother die, it was quite traumatic. Though I can honestly say, as messed up as it might sound to anyone watching this video, that it didn't come close to upsetting me as much as Aiden's death did. Even though they were both suicides. _

_The day before her death happened, I asked why the numbers above her head were decreasing drastically. She didn't know how to respond that first, probably because you shouldn't necessarily tell your child you were planning to commit suicide the next day, but she only responded to my question with a completely unrelated statement. "We're going to the train station tomorrow, okay? You're going to wait by the wall so you won't get hurt, and don't go anywhere near the train tracks, understand? You wouldn't want to fall."_

_But that was exactly what she did. She threw herself in the train's path, as I watched my crying mother get flattened underneath the wheels. Needless to say there was an immediate panic, and a man who'd been watching me earlier knew that I was her son. _

_That man was Quillish Wammy. Known to the world as Watari. _

_When a nice old man came up to me to steer me away from what seemed like such a threatening crowd, I held no protest and allowed him to take my hand, following him in whichever direction. "You look a lot like another child I know, did you know that?" He chuckled, looking me up and down. Back then, I had no idea what he was talking about, only shaking my head and staring up at him with curious crimson eyes. But I do now. I reminded Watari of L. He told me it was not only that, but a strong instinct, that led him to take me to the orphanage._

_At first I was taken to one of Watari's normal orphanages, one where testing went on to see which kids would go to Wammy's with the rest of L's possible successors, and which would stay here. I passed with flying colors, and on only the second day without my mom, was sent off to live at Wammy's Institution. I was perfectly okay with this, trusting the man who seemed to be the only person ever who didn't judge me on my red eyes. If he treated me like any other human, I should trust him, right? And that was exactly what I did._

_On my fifth day there..._

_I met him._

_L._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's **_**Important**_** Note: Let me just clarify that this story is taking place where L is dead, but Kira is still alive (Basically this all takes place a few months before Light dies). Please keep this in mind when you continue to read, since Beyond will eventually end up being killed by Kira by the end of this story. **

**How he avoided being killed by Kira up until now will be explained in a later chapter. **

**Oh, and one more thing.. Obviously most things in this story aren't going to be canon, such as the ending to this chapter (Don't skip ahead!), but I think I'm making it pretty fun and interesting. What's a story without a few plot twists, right? Just enjoy.**

"L.."

I repeated the detective's name slowly, as if I hadn't spoke the letter in years. I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the chair, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them tightly. "L Lawliet."

Dr. Phillip's eyes widened, as if he knew just as well as I did that no one, absolutely no one, was supposed to know L's true name. "We're going to have to bleep that part out.." He mumbled to himself, scribbling down a bit on that damn paper he wouldn't let me sneak even a peak at. I sighed, resting my chin against my knees. "Even though Lawli's dead, people still aren't aloud to know his real name, huh?"

My doctor looked back up at me with yet another surprised expression, the ballpoint pen freezing but still clutched tightly in his right hand. "How do you know that L's dead? This wasn't told to the public, if it's true.." He trailed off, glancing briefly over at the red light on the camera to make sure it was still on. It was.

"An old friend came to visit me in the asylum. He told me." I smiled sweetly, intertwining my fingers so I could hold onto both my knees better. Perhaps that was meant to stay a secret too. "An old friend?" Dr. Phillip blinked, head slightly tilt. "Enlighten me on who this friend is, BB. Tell me about what happened."

I blinked a few times and looked down at my hands, playing with my fingers absentmindedly and twiddling my thumbs. "You told me you wanted to hear about the first time I met L. Skipping ahead to Lawli's death before our first meeting is not doing what you asked." I responded simply, curling my toes a bit unintentionally. Dr. Phillip sighed and nodded, pushing up his glasses again on the bridge of his nose with his middle finger.

"Alright, BB, please continue."

_Flashback_

_L._

_I wasn't supposed to meet him that day. None of the children in the orphanage were aloud to see L face to face, unless he wanted to schedule a private meeting with his top successors. Of course, you'd never know about these meetings until the last minute, but Watari and Roger would. _

_The meeting was between only L, Watari and Roger, and no children were aloud to be out of bed at this time of night. However, I was, being the curious and rarely tired child I was. To be honest... The reason why I slept less at Wammy's my first year there than ever after that, was because I missed my stuffed bear. I couldn't help it, that bear just helped me fall asleep better, that's all._

_The door to Roger's office was slightly ajar, allowing me to peak inside and get a decent look around the room. I saw Roger sitting at his chair behind the desk, with Watari standing beside a jar in front of the desk. But who was the one sitting in that chair? He looked only about three years older than me, he couldn't have been older than seven. I narrowed my eyes a bit, as if that would help me see better, and tilted my head to the opposite side. "L... Lawliet.." I bit my lower lip to quiet myself from reading his name out loud, realization hitting me only a second later on who this must be. It was L! _The _L! The one we were all supposed to be striving to be just like! Who would have thought that L would be his actual first name? How interesting. A slight smile playing on my lips, I sat down on the floor silently and hugged my knees to my chest as I continued to watch, my guard always up to escape if I needed to._

_But suddenly.. The weirdest thing happened._

_"Whoever's watching from behind the door... Step inside." L spoke loud enough for me to hear._

_Everyone's eyes grew wide, including my own, as L managed to sense my presence without even glancing once in my direction. "One of the children are watching?" Roger asked, standing up from his seat to get a better look at the slightly open door. I scooted back a bit so I wouldn't be spotted, even though I knew it was no use._

_And just as I did, the door swung open, leaving me face to face with the young detective himself. He looked down at me, and I up at him, our eyes never leaving eachother for what seemed like the longest second of my life. "Stand up." L said and held his hand out to me, which I gladly took to pull myself to my feet. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck after L released my hand, noticing how he rubbed his own on his jeans after. "B!" Roger scolded me once he figured out who was watching, standing beside Watari, who held a surprisingly calm look. Actually, The only one who looked upset about what was happening, was Roger._

_"B." L repeated, staring straight into my crimson red eyes, almost as if he was trying to read my thoughts. It was creepy, because that's exactly what I always did to others. My gaze was unwavering as well, taking in not only his appearance but his demeanor, especially those dark black eyes of his, and the bags underneath that were obviously from sleep deprivation. "What were you doing? You know you aren't supposed to be out of your room at this late hour." L blinked, stuffing both his hands into the pockets of his jeans._

_"I.. Heard voices.. And was bored." I mumbled dumbly in response, curling and uncurling my toes repeatedly, which I only noticed a second after that it was a habit of L's to do the same. "..At least you're honest." L responded, shrugging his shoulders and glancing briefly at Watari, the old man who took care of him. "Most would simply use the excuse of going to the bathroom or to the kitchen for a drink. But I admire honesty." He turned his attention back to me, giving a nod. _

_"How old are you?" I asked suddenly, chewing on the inside of my bottom lip. "L?" "Seven years old." L answered without hesitation, not bothering to deny being L himself. "And you?" "Four." I responded after a moment of thinking, eyes wandering up to both of the adults, who were staring at the two of us. We were only small children, who conversed like young adults. _

_"Well, then.. B.. Perhaps you'd better go back to your room. And this time, do at least try to go to sleep. Don't come out of your room until morning." L stepped back into the room, as if I were being dismissed without a say in the matter. "What if I have to go to the bathroom?" The slightest of smirks appeared on my lips, as if I was intending on using one of the excuses L spoke of earlier. "Then hold it." L gave me the same smirk in return, spinning around and hopping back into his seat. He sat the same way as I often did, knees hugged close to his chest, arms wrapped around them firmly. Though he unwrapped one after a second of getting comfortable, raising his thumb to his lips and biting the nail._

_"Goodnight, B." Watari gestured to my room across the wall, closing the door fully and even locking it. I didn't want to stay anymore, the sounds would be impossible to hear even if I did. But that small encounter.. Certainly did leave me wanting more. This L was a lot more interesting than I'd thought.A_

_After that day, while still in Wammy's, I only saw L a few more times. The second was yet another time when I wasn't supposed to, though L didn't catch just me, but A as well. I dragged him along only a year after meeting him, just after we treated eachother like friends. He knew it wasn't a good idea, and knew we'd probably get in trouble, but a child's curiosity is something very strong. We couldn't _not _take the opportunity. He couldn't. Even if it would've been easier for me, having already met L before._

_The third was when L called us both into the office, his top two successors, Alternate and Backup. "Don't call me Backup." I growled at him immediately after he spoke, our eyes both narrowed at eachother. "But that's your alias... Backup." L repeated. Damn you, L. Trying to test me. I huffed and started towards him with my hands balled into fists, though L and I both knew I wouldn't actually try and hurt him, I was still pulled back by Roger and held a reasonable distance away. A and I both __**hated**__ those aliases. Alternate. Backup. What, were we robots? I guess that's all we were in the end. Prototypes gone wrong. The next generation, the one with Mihael Keehl, Nate River, and Mail Jeevas, they were the true successors to L, I suppose._

_I'm sure there were plenty of other times L came for private meetings in Roger's office, since I noticed those two times were the first of every month. But they must have been at different times, since while I was awake on some days, I heard no voices. They had to be more careful after A and I got caught that second time, I guess. Either that, or I just stopped caring as much._

_Even though I was young, and felt such strong emotions for A - Which I only discovered later was love - I still felt an odd obsession towards L. Was that infactuation as well? Love? I don't know.. At such a young age, I barely knew anything in that department. And I certainly couldn't predict what would happen in the future._

_End of Flashback_

I cleared my throat and took a sip from the glass of water on the table in front of me, exhaling a soft sigh and placing the glass back down. "I want strawberry jam." I requested suddenly, looking back up to meet my doctor's gaze. "Can I have some?" Dr. Phillip sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll see what I can do. I know the nurses have allowed you strawberry jam once this interview is over, though I don't think you'll be permitted to eat straight from a glass jar. A container, maybe. Remember what happened last time?" He raised an eyebrow, which brought a chuckle to my lips from the memory.

"Oh, yes..." I responded vaguely, smiling at the thought. One might be confused on how I'd be smiling at this, but I guess I'm not the easiest person to understand, far from it. I smashed that strawberry jam jar against the floor, used the shards of glass to cut myself and staff members who'd attempt to take the glass away. I even stabbed one in the neck, which resulted in them almost bleeding to death. Funny, huh?

"BB.. You remember the question I want answered now, don't you?" He started up again, leaning forward a bit more in his seat. I sighed dramatically, "Stupid L's stupid death." I responded childishly, fidgiting a bit where I sat and glancing up at the ceiling lights. I stared straight into them, as if mesmerized by the bright white color which made my eyes shine a brighter ruby red.

"Dr. Phillip wants to know who visited me in the asylum to tell me L was dead.. He wants to know who my old friend is. But he'd be shocked to know the answer.. I know the young man who came to visit me will see this as well, and he'll probably get hounded with questions from the ones he works with as to why he would ever come and meet me." I smirked slightly, rocking back and forth a bit. "Not that I care. I'll be dead by then."

"Would this person get in trouble for coming to see you..?" Dr. Phillip blinked. "Why?" "Because.. L's orders were against it.. But as I said earlier.. One's curiosity cannot easily be contained." I shrugged my shoulders, chuckling a bit to myself. "I see.. So this person worked with L?" He asked, "What was his name?"

"His name..

Touta Matsuda."


	6. Chapter 6

"Touta Mastuda..?" Dr. Phillip repeated slowly, blinking a few times and writing down the name on his clipboard. "Who is he?" "A police officer.. Who worked closely with L." I spoke vaguely, smirking slightly and returning my gaze up to the ceiling lights I was staring into earlier. Dr. Phillip tried to follow my gaze but only glanced briefly into the light, which I guess I could understand. The lights in this place could be sensitive for human eyes to stare into for more than a few seconds.

"Well.. Tell me about him. How you two met, maybe? And then how you found out about L's... Death?" He raised an eyebrow, clicking the black pen in his hand a few times with his thumb. I exhaled a long sigh, as if this was getting tiring for me, though it really wasn't.

"Okay.."

_Flashback_

_The first time I met Touta Mastuda was about four months before I learned of L's death. Living in an asylum in Japan at the time, I was surprised to hear that I had a visitor that day. "Is it Lawli? Has he brought me some strawberry jam?" I automatically assumed with a grin, licking my lips from the thought. Sometimes L did come to visit me, and sometimes he'd also bring some strawberry jam in a plastic - not glass - container. Who else would visit me? No one I could think of._

_But I was met with a surprise when led out to the visiting room, the only nurse I trusted gently touching my back to escort me there. I don't like being touched by the staff members at a prison or an asylum. If they try.. I'll bite. Hard. A doctor once lost a finger by making such a fatal mistake. But she was a young and attractive nurse, one whose smile seemed genuine, unlike the others, and that I allowed to touch me when necessary._

_I saw a young man I didn't recognize stare straight ahead at me with a small polite smile, although I could see regret in his eyes, as if he was saying to himself, 'Maybe I shouldn't have come here...' I blinked widely and read the name and lifespan above his head, something I did on instinct without even thinking of anymore when meeting new people. "Touta Matsuda..." I spoke his name out loud, sitting down in the chair across from him and placing both hands on my lap. In this particular asylum, I didn't need to wear a straightjacket all the time. Just when I was acting up, but it'd be taken off the next day. I miss that._

_The man known as Touta Matsuda blinked a few times, glancing above his head to see if there was anything there that I had been staring at before saying his name. "How'd you know my name..?" He wondered, wide eyes glancing back over to me. "It's a secret." I smirked, my crimson red eyes shining vibrantly back at him. "How can I help you, Mr. Matsuda?" I asked sweetly, my head slightly tilt to the side. _

_"Just call me Matsuda.." He cleared his throat, smiling again and rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh.. I've heard a lot about you, Beyond. I decided to come see you, even though Ryuzaki would probably be against it.." Matsuda mumbled to himself, biting his lower lip. I chuckled and raised an eyebrow, leaning forward a bit more in my seat. "Ryuzaki? So, he's using my alias these days, huh? ...Tch. I should've known." I rolled my eyes and waved a hand dismissively, as if it meant nothing._

_"So.. '_Ryuzaki_' talks about me, huh?" I raised my hands and made quotation marks when speaking L's new alias. Matsuda blinked and nodded his head, I could tell he was nervous since my facial expression was hard to read. "Only sometimes. Most of the time he wants to avoid bringing you up, like that time you were on the news and he changed the channel.." Matsuda trailed off, disregarding my snicker. "I think he suspected I'd come here to meet you. He told me to stay away from you, and that you were truly insane and unpredictable." _

_Those words hit a nerve in me, balling my hands into fists and digging my nails into my palms. "Lawli, with each passing second, I want to kill you more and more.." I grumbled to myself, barely audible but still enough for Matsuda to hear. "Insane, huh? I guess L's right. He's always right." I looked back up at Matsuda, my eyes slightly narrowed. "But he only told you what he wanted you to hear. Didn't tell you why I ended up going 'crazy', did he?"_

_Matsuda shook his head, obviously eager to find out. "No. That's kinda what I was hoping to learn.." He smiled slightly, as if encouraging me to continue on with the answer. And honestly, I had no problem in doing so. I told him about Wammy's House, when A, L and I were little. I left out the details about how close A and I really were, but I _did _make sure to include just how emotionally devastated I was when L's pressure drove A to suicide. I also mentioned how L didn't care one bit, just turned to me to be the next successor. I could see just by the look in Matsuda's eyes, that he was now much more understanding than when he first walked in the asylum's front doors.. Now he knew. He knew what happened the day I snapped. He knew about my reasoning behind the LABB murder cases, and he knew about my attempted suicide._

_"I didn't.. Know that.. L never mentioned anything about A.." He trailed off, dropping L's stolen alias without a care and staring down at the floorboards. "I'm so sorry, Beyond.." I scoffed and shook my head, averting my eyes to the side. "I didn't tell you for pity, I told you to improve your knowledge on the situation. Simple as that. What's done is done, right?" "But still..! L always made it seem like you were the bad guy! Like you snapped and started killing for fun, without any reason behind it! But now that I know all this.." The poor guy looked like he had tears in his eyes. Damn, he really was sensitive._

_"Hey, you're working for him, aren't you? It wouldn't be wise for him to know anything about what went on today." I stated clearly, placing both hands back on my knees after examining the palms, where a little blood had been drawn from my nails. "Not that I care about the consequences you'd face. I'm just stating what would be smart.." I shrugged, though my facial expression said otherwise. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, one who took the time to listen and understand. Even if I hate L, I wouldn't want him to face anything unfortunate. _

_"Yeah.. I already knew that." Matsuda nodded, clearing his throat and looking me up and down. "I don't believe you're insane anymore.." "I wouldn't care if you did." I smirked slightly, so he could know I was only joking around with him. Like I do with everyone 90% of the tme. "You were really that interested in me, enough to come here today, huh?" I asked, my smirk shifting into more of a smile. "Well, yeah, I'm glad I didn't back out.. Aha.." He chuckled, clasping both his hands together in his lap absentmindedly._

_"How are things going with L? ...It's been so long since I've seen him.." I asked. I could've sworn I detected a knowing smile on Matsuda's lips, as if the first thing that came to his mind was, 'Of course Beyond really does care about L', which is __**not **__true.. I just wanted to be the one to kill him that's all.. When the time was right.. So what if I was infactuated with him? I still could've been the one to end his life..!_

_I think I'm getting a little off track here.._

_"Ah, you know.. Working hard, as usual.. The guy barely sleeps, he's really determined with the case.. Heck, we all are." Matsuda smiled, nodding his head. "Does he have any prime suspects?" I raised an eyebrow. Hey, I solved cases back in Wammy's House too._

_"Well, yeah.. But I don't really think it'd be right of me to give away information on the Kira case." Matsuda shrugged, looking awkwardly off to the side. "Of course. But, if there's any two people in this world I wish to put an end to myself, it would be L and Kira. If I could accomplish that, I'd be ready to die." Matsuda blinked widely at my statement. "You'd kill yourself?" "Well, yeah, there's not really much else left to live for. I've got something important waiting for me in the afterlife, things I cannot tell you about. And even if I did, you'd only call me crazy.." I chuckled._

_Matsuda frowned and looked back up at me, shaking his head as if he didn't know what to say. "Visiting hours are going to be over in a few." I warned. "What kind of excuse did you give him?" I referred to L. "Oh.. I said I was going to visit my Mom. Heh." Matsuda smiled, rubbing his arm. "Well in about ten minutes, they'll drag me back to my cell.. But I do hope you come again. You're a genuinely nice person, Matsuda, I'm glad to have met you today." I smiled reassuringly, believing this gesture was enough to make Matsuda relax._

_At the time, Matsuda coming to visit me felt sort of exciting, since no one ever did this besides L. And I looked forward to Matsuda coming again, which he did about a month later. We did talk about things like the Kira case, L, my past, his past, and whatnot. I can't remember everything, since sometimes I was on what I like to call the 'loopy' meds, but it was enjoyable and I'd love to go back and do it again. _

_Then came the visit I was dreading. _

_"L is dead.." Matsuda told me, looking back at me with a serious expression, waiting for my reaction. "..." I was silent at first, crimson eyes wide, unable to speak. Even though I swore up and down I'd be the one to kill L, I knew I would do it when I was ready.. But now.. Kira, of all people, had done the job for me..? L was defeated by who I considered to be pathetic human scum? An absolutely __**pathetic **__excuse for a serial killer killed L? _

_"He's dead..?" I repeated, trying so hard to keep my voice from cracking, but unfortunately failing. It was only now that I realized how much L meant to me, even if I'd been planning to kill him, and I fully understood why I passed up opportunities to do so in the past. _

_I loved L Lawliet._

_It wasn't just infactuation, it was another hard-to-understand feeling I couldn't quite accept._

_Love._

_I betrayed A, by falling for L._

_"I'll never get to see Lawliet again.." My body started shaking as I fought to process his death, and Matsuda could tell. "C-Calm down, Beyond.. It's okay.. Kira's gonna be caught, and-" "__**NO**__!" I screamed and jumped up, instantly hearing nurses run into the room when an alarm was sounded to restrain me. "He's dead! It's not okay! KIra killed him!" The straightjacket was fit on me before I even knew what was happening, and a shocked Matsuda was told to leave. "My Lawli is dead.." I kept whispering to myself as they led me back to my cell, and ended up crying it all out into my bed for hours that night._

_I never saw Matsuda again after that. Not that I was susprised. Of course I was upset over the fact that Kira killed him instead of me.. But I was also upset because I never got a chance to see L for the last time. And, if possible, I wish I could've gotten the chance to stop his death from happening. And be with L today. And kill Kira in the most gruesome death I could come up with._

_Did L already know I loved him?_

_Yes he did._

_I told him._


	7. Chapter 7

"You.. Told him?" The doctor blinked, the look on his face was just begging me to continue on. Was I really that much of an interesting person? ...Of course, I was. "Yes. I did." I responded vaguely, raising my thumb to my lips and biting the nail, much like Lawliet used to do. It happened on instinct, sometimes we didn't even realize it. Our mannerisms just really were that similar.

"I see.. What did L say when you told him you loved him? Could you tell me what happened?" Dr. Phillip asked, flipping over to a clean sheet of lined paper on his clipboard. "Of course... Every detail.. It's impossible for me to forget such a significant day." I chuckled, tasting blood on my lips and looking back down at my thumb. By accidentally biting the tip of my thumb, I must have opened that cut from earlier.. Huh. "Blood." I mumbled to myself with a sigh, licking the red substance off my lips, but continuing to bite there once again.

_Flashback_

_It wasn't the first time I broke out of prison, but it was the first time I'd finally been able to track down L Lawliet's exact location all by myself, and didn't need to pay a dime for help. I stared up at the hotel with vibrant red eyes that shined with excitement, a grin spread on my lips. "Oh, Lawli.. Betcha missed me, huh?" I chuckled to myself, biting my lower lip and walking over to the side of the building. Most might wonder why I didn't just walk in the front doors of the hotel, but I didn't need any unnecessary sitings of myself by witnesses in case it'd come back to bite me in the ass later. You can never be too careful with these things, especially if you're me._

_I skillfully climbed up the not-so-sturdy fire escape on the side of the hotel, hands gripping the bars and staying as calm as possible. The last thing I needed was to get nervous and look down or have my palms become to sweaty to hold a grip. I exhaled a sigh of relief and lifted up the metal latch on L's hotel room window, pulling up the window silently and making my way inside. I dusted myself off and looked down at my hands, rolling my eyes at the stains of red paint, dirt and blood that were left over. Figures._

_Staying as quiet as possible, I walked towards the bedroom door with a devious smirk on my lips, that only spread once I pulled it open and came face to face with L Lawliet himself. Or.. More like the back of his head. He sat at a computer with a fork in his right hand, scooping up more strawberry shortcake and raising it to his lips as he watched over some security tapes of God knows what. Where else could I suspect to find him?_

_"L Lawliet." I made my presence known with a chuckle, pushing the door closed with my thumb and walking up behind L. His naturally dark eyes widened as he spun around in the chair on wheels to face me, clearly uneasy by the sinister look on my face and clutching the fork, as if that would be a useful defense against my knife. Hint hint, it probably wouldn't. "Beyond.. What are you doing here?" He blinked widely, trying to remain looking as monotonous and unfazed as possible. Though in the current situation, he wasn't doing a very good job._

_"What? I can't stop by and pay my dear Lawlipop a little visit..? What a shame.. And here I thought you'd be happy to see me. You missed me, didn't you?" A giggle escaped my lips, crimson eyes flashing a more vibrant ruby red on command, though this form of intimidation seemed to work on everyone but L. To L, it just worked to provoke annoyance. "I can't say I have." He responded simply, emitting a long and overly dramatic sigh before setting down the fork. He must have come to the conclusion that I meant no real danger for the time being._

_"Aw.. That hurts BB's feelings." I frowned, folding my arms across my chest while my special pocket knife was still gripped tightly in one hand. If there was anyone in the world I had to keep my guard up with, it was definitely L. "You shouldn't say such hurtful things to someone who cares and thinks about you an awful lot.." A smirk curved back on my lips, not able to frown around L for too long. It was just.. Too fun to toy with my Lawlipop._

_"Let's cut the crap, Beyond." L surprised me with his sudden change of attitude, clearly displaying how anxious he reallly was to figure out what I was planning and standing from his chair. I noticed his left hand hover above a red button on his belt, and even an idiot could assume this button would call for Watari. "I want to know why you're here. Don't think I'll just let you go either. One press of this button.. And back to prison you go, Beyond Birthday."_

_"Oh, no.. There's no need for that." I waved my hand dismissively, walking backwards casually towards L's bed and plopping down comfortably with a sigh, acting as if we were best friends, just hanging out normally together. I placed the knife down beside me to show that I wasn't intending on hurting L with it, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a half empty strawberry jam jar instead, opening the lid with a seemingly loud pop in the silent hotel room. _

_"I came here for an important reason, L.. One that can only be said today. Press that button and you'll never know.." I smirked, knowing I had him hooked with just a few simple words: 'You'll never know'. The most important thing anyone could know about Lawliet was, that he needed to know everything. __**Needed **__to. If there was something that L didn't know, it drove him crazy to figure it out. So I now knew that, even if I stood and decided to leave on my own, L wouldn't let me without getting a proper answer. "..Fine, Beyond. You have one minute." He pointed at me. "Go."_

_"I'll talk at my own pace, L, we're meeting today under my conditions for a change.." I smirked, raising an eyebrow and extending my hand out hesitantly to lower L's. He didn't pull his back or even tense up in the slightest, dropping his hands to his sides. "Anyway.. I came here because.. Well.. You won't have to worry about me much longer." _

_L raised an eyebrow, obviously confused about what I was getting at. Though he didn't open his mouth to speak, urging me to continue on without using words._

_"Heh.. Don't you understand? In less than twenty four hours from now, I'll be dead."_

_Yet again, those naturally wide eyes of his grew if it were possible, raising his thumb to his lips and biting the nail without even realizing. "What do you mean, Beyond? Are you saying you plan on attempting suicide again? ...What are your motives this time?"_

_"There's no motives this time, Lawliet. I've grown tired of my life, as hard as it may be to believe. I was happy at first, traveling from country to country with more money I could want, being payed to do something I loved - which was killing. But unfortunately.. There are things I feel that you don't understand. Things I've seen and dealt with that continue to hurt me more and more as time goes on. Time heals all, my ass." I grunted, shaking my head. _

_"Do you even know what love is, L?" _

_The young detective looked completely stumped by my question, blinking a few times and lowering his thumb slightly to speak, though it still rested on his bottom lip. "Love is a strange emotion.. One I haven't been able to feel. One I've lived without, and am perfectly content to continue doing so." He answered simply. Just as I'd assumed._

_"I've felt it twice in my lifetime. And yet I've been with so many people." I hinted sexual intercourse with a hidden smirk, knowing L wouldn't catch on. But surprisingly he did, looking as if he really didn't need to know that information. "I never would've guessed you'd grow up this way, Beyond.. Back when we first met.. I had faith in you. I knew you'd grow up to be extraordinary. You were talented. And still are."_

_"Yes, but that all changed the day you pushed A too far with his final exam. You pressured him. Maybe if you grieved for his death, I wouldn't harbor such a strong hate for you. Wouldn't have pinned all the blame on you. But you didn't care. You didn't back then, and you didn't now." Well.. That wasn't exactly truthful of me to say, considering a small portion of the blame could also be pinned on me.. But that argument's not something I want to talk about again. _

_"Of course I cared.. How could I not, Beyond? I'm human too.." L insisted. "Barely." I scoffed, actually not referring to myself as human since the day I lit myself on fire. After that, not only was I a Shinigami, but I was also a monster. The demon everyone assumed me to be._

_"I know you loved A, Beyond.. But who else did you love..? Did they die too?" He asked curiously, taking a seat beside me on the bed, as if he was much less intimidated by me than he had been earlier. Was L ever really scared of me? I often wonder, and come up with different answers each time. "No. They're still alive today.. That's what I came here to say." I turned to face him, clearing my throat and trying to act as calm and normal as I could possibly manage._

_"I love you, L. _

_It took me awhile to realize, but I do._

_It started off as infactuation when we first met, and I hated the fact that it grew to love, but it did. And it will never fade. I'll continue to love you until tomorrow, when I die without Naomi Misora to stop me this time." I frowned at the thought, images of orange and red flamed immediately coming to mind.._

_"You.. love me..?" L seemed more surprised than he had been during this whole conversation, which I guess I couldn't exactly blame him for. After hating him and us despising eachother for years.. This definitely wasn't something anyone would suspect. _

_"Yes.. I just.. Wanted to tell you that before my death. That I loved you." I shrugged my shoulders, averting my gaze down to the floorboards. After what seemed like an eternity of silence from the both of us, I placed both hands on the mattress, hinting I was intending to stand and leave. "Anyway.. I guess I'll be on my way.." _

_"No!" L suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist in a desperate attempt to make me stay, my widened crimson eyes flickering down from L's hand to his gaze. "No..?" _

_"..Kiss me, Beyond." _

_"Huh?" I blinked widely, at first unsure if I heard him right, or if this were all some kind of delusion I was having before I died. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if it was. _

_"Kiss me." L repeated, biting his lower lip and looking up at me with a light pink blush on his cheeks. I never saw L act this way before.. It was a turn on. "I want to see how it feels.. Maybe I'll feel the same way about you.. But I can't know for sure-" _

_I gladly cut his explanation off with a kiss, leaning forward and pressing my lips to L's. Our eyes closed at the same time, and even though it was L's first kiss, it didn't take him long to catch on. Something I thought would be only a brief kiss turned out to be so much more than that, both of us on the bed with our legs tangled together and hands on eachother's bodies. I won't go into great detail.. That'd just be awkward for both me and whoever's watching, heh.. But.. He didn't want me to stop. And I wasn't about to insist on it. He wanted to know what love would feel like, so I showed him exactly. And I felt complete after that. I felt loved. I felt, if I died, I'd go out with a smile on my face. Not one sinister and evil like I'd imagined.. But one genuine._

_I know what we did that night could've turned out to be more than just a one night only thing.. I know after that, I no longer felt the same anger whenever I thought L's name. I smirked every time Lawliet came to mind, thinking of the night I took my enemy's virginity, and made him love me. Because I know he did after that. Our feelings were mutual. He wanted me. He needed me._

_And I left early the next morning while he was asleep, leaving my side of the bed unmade, with a strawberry jam handprint on the wall, as if it were an indirect form of mocking him. I'll always remember how much more exciting it felt to be with L more than any of the other males or females I hooked up with after escaping prison for the first time in Los Angeles, how I really did want to spent another night with L, but also keeping in mind it was for the best if I didn't._

_And so.._

_To put it simply.._

_Something the world is only just now learning, is.._

_I fucked L._

_And when I left without so much as a goodbye, I took his innocence and his viriginity with me._

_Kissing his forehead and whispering an, 'I love you' before climbing back out that same window, never to come face to face with L Lawliet again. _


	8. Chapter 8

"That was the last time I saw L. And that was my choice. If I wanted to, we probably could've formed something real special.. But I didn't want to return. And I don't know why." I sighed, shrugging my shoulders and looking down. Did I wish I did return and find a way to stop L's death..? Maybe. If only.

"I understand." Dr. Phillip nodded his head, his pen moving in what must've been script across the paper. I never did understand how to write script. They taught it back in Wammy's House, and though I seemed to get the hang of it at the time, it was never really perfect. And I no longer know how.

"BB.. Sometimes you mention the other BB inside you. I want to know about that BB. Who are they? Tell me about them." He asked cautiously. I stared straight ahead at him for a moment, unblinking, before snickering and averting my gaze off to the side. "The other BB, huh..? The real Beyond Birthday. The murderous and psychotic Beyond Birthday that everyone thinks I am. That is him. He controls me, though I cannot control him." I answered simply, my nails digging into my arms without even realizing.

"Uh huh.. Would you mind elaborating a bit? Why don't you tell me about what happened after A's death? I feel that might have been when this.. Alternate personality of yours fully developed." He stated quietly. That same aching feeling I'd gotten so used to started up in my head, grunting a bit in displeasure and hanging my head. "Ugh.. It hurts." "What hurts?" He asked. "My head.." I knew exactly why. But no. I refused to let _him _take control. At least, not until this video was done. Because then.. The doctors would be ready and lock me up to die.

_Flashback_

_Everyone has it. That little voice inside your head that convinces you either to do or not to do something. They call it their conscience. But I don't have a conscience. _

_I have an alternate personality. _

_Had it not been for him, I probably wouldn't have left Wammy's House so soon. At least I was able to wait until after A's private funeral was held, and was able to stand in front of his grave beside the others. I was able to tell him I loved him with witnesses this time, though if this were under different circumstances where A was still alive, he'd blush and tell me not to say anything like that in public. He was shy. He'd prefer people not knowing. But I didn't care. The more people who knew A was mine.. The better._

_Once midnight came around, about two days after I found A in his room, I escaped Wammy's House. It was simple, really. I used the same back door A and I used in the past, only having one duffel bag with me, and wearing both my black hoodie and my black leather jacket to make more room in my bag. Not only that, but it would warm me up during what was sure to be a long trip._

_Not only did I have all my money before leaving, but also A's and Roger's. With Roger, I felt no guilt while stealing the thick bundles of cash in his desk. But with A.. I felt guilt. Even though A was dead and could never use that money, I knew he had been saving up for when _we _left_ together _to go to Los Angeles. Maybe even buy some new art supplies and a drawing pad for the trip. But no. I took it myself. And apologized for it too._

_The first thing I did after leaving was count my money. I didn't want to risk doing so back in Wammy's, just in case I was heard and got in trouble instead of leaving. No, I wanted out of there as soon as possible. So I walked awhile before stopping under the railing of a train platform, counting all the money I managed to collect before paying for one train ticket to the airport. The man didn't ask questions about why a kid as young as me was going to the airport so late at night, but that was okay. I liked that. _

_It was about one.. Maybe two in the morning when my train came, and I sat down on the seat closest to the door. I knew it'd be an hour train ride before I got there, so maybe I could get something to eat before going on the plane at a four or five AM flight. Sounded perfect to me. However, I didn't really think about having to be extra careful on the train at this time of night. _

_An old drunk saw me stuffing my money back into my duffel bag, and he waited until I sat down before trying to snatch it and run off. A feeling I was still trying to adapt to, the other side of me that awakened when I snapped psychologically from A's death, took over instantly. Only now do I know how to somewhat control him. Back then, I didn't have even the slightest idea._

_I jumped up on the train seat and pulled my fist back, giving one surprisingly hard punch in the face. The man ran away, clutching his broken nose, as I stared down at my bloody knuckles and the bag that dropped to the floor. How could a thirteen year old kid like me break the nose of what must've been a fourty year old man? Just as quickly as the other BB had taken over.. He disappeared. Leaving me with only blurry memories of what happened. I didn't remember things like I experienced them myself, more like I'd been watching a film without really paying attention, only enough to catch brief parts. Parts like my fist making contact with his face. And parts like staring down at the crimson blood on my knuckles._

_People only glanced in my direction after that, trying their hardest to be subtle but failing to do so. I could see them from the corner of my eye, as I read from one of A's favorite novels. I was also one of the first people off the train once my stop came, holding the bag tighter than before and walking in the direction of the airport. I glanced down briefly at my watch to check the time, it was only ten minutes past three in the morning. I hadn't eaten since dinner.. And usually by this time I would've been asleep, so my body was not only tired but hungry as well._

_**Be careful.**_

_I could hear that same voice inside my head, the one that sounded so much like my own but with a slightly darker twist. "Be careful..?" I spoke quietly, blinking a few times and stopping just in front of the doors. "Of what?" __**"That homeless man is looking at you.. He might try and steal your bag.. And you've got money sticking out of your pocket."**__ Beyond Birthday told me, as I averted my eyes down to my pocket. There it was. A hundred dollar bill or two sticking out. I sighed and stuffed it back in, sending a glare over at the man who was watching while hugging the bag protectively to my chest. _

_The first thing I did once inside the airport was wait in the line for the front desk, counting out exactly how much money I'd need for one ticket to Los Angeles. Sometimes I joked about getting a luxurious first class ticket to LA with A, and he'd talk about how I didn't understand the concept of money, though I was only joking. He'd laugh with me, but he was also more serious than I was. "You joke too much, B." He told me once, sticking his tongue out at me. I ignored what he said, responding with licking his tongue. I got to see him blush and completely drop the subject when I laughed at him, and.. Well, now I wish I could go back to that moment._

_The woman behind the counter was a bit skeptical about allowing me to buy a ticket by myself, but I wasn't exactly short for my age. For all she knew, I could've been older than I looked. I even booked a ticket ahead of time online using Roger's ID, and was able to pass him off as my father. Reluctantly, she let me go, though I still believe it was only because I was cutting into her break time._

_After boarding yet another line for security, I decided to look around for something to eat before getting on the plane. The food court was almost empty, since it was a bit early in the morning and a few flights had just taken off. I had a jar of two of strawberry jam with me, but back then, I ate more than just that. After about five minutes of careful consideration, I decided to just go with a subway sandwich and take it on the plane._

_I boarded my flight not too long after, managing to get a window seat, which is what I would've preferred anyway. "Finally leaving Wammy's.." I sighed to myself. No more Wammy's House. No more England. No more L. No more A._

_**"But we're not done with L Lawliet yet."**_

_I blinked a few times, pulling up my knees and hugging them to my chest, as I continued to eat my sandwich. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly. A big reason why A and I wanted to leave was _because_ we couldn't wait to get away from L and the orphanage's pressure. __**"He doesn't deserve to be let off that easy... Wouldn't you agree? I know you would. L Lawliet. The world's 'greatest' detective. What if the world's greatest **_**criminal **_**made a case even L couldn't solve?"**__ "Criminal.." I said slowly, allowing the word to roll off my tongue. I knew exactly what Beyond meant. Of course I was angry. Of course I was depressed. Of course I missed A. And of course, if given the chance, I'd love to get back at L. _

_Even kill him._

_**"A serial killer who outsmarted L. We'll be famous! L will be so depressed if we beat him! Show him he **_**isn't **_**really the best! We'll accomplish everything we could possibly want with it!" **__The voice encouraged me. And at the time.. I really couldn't see a reason not to agree. _

_So you see, it wasn't exactly me who came up with the idea for the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. It was him. The voice without a name at the time. Find three perfect victims, all with the letter B names. The killing methods, the locations, the Wara Ningyo, everything and anything except the identities of the people were planned out on the flight. Even the outcome of the case. Because.. I didn't want to live in a world without A. The voice and I... We agreed on that. It just took a little encouragement to realize. I couldn't possibly live day to day. But after accomplishing the case.. I could die happily. L would never have considered himself to solve the case if the murderer wasn't punished by the law. I would win. He would lose._

_It was __**perfect**__. _

_**"A name..."**__ The voice made me speak up, ignoring glances from others that might've been tossed at me while the plane was slowly landing, having just arrived in Los Angeles. "A name?" I repeated in a quieter tone, biting my lower lip and playing with the empty strawberry jam jar in my hands. __**"My name. My name will become your alias. And what's even better.. Both first and last name start with a B. B for Backup, huh?" **__I grunted at the alias 'Backup', shifting a bit in my comfortable seat. _

_**Beyond Birthday.**_

_Beyond Birthday._

_Beyond Birthday was __**born**__. _


	9. Chapter 9

"I see." My doctor nodded his head, only tearing his gaze away from me for a brief moment to jot something down on the clipboard. I could tell my stories really fascinated him.. Wouldn't they have that same effect on anybody? My life really was lived in an exciting way. There's so many events that no one but I know.. But they will now, I suppose. That's what this video is for. Every last detail they can get out of me before my death.

"I already know about what happened during the LABB cases.. All the information I could possibly find on them. Though what I am interested in hearing from your perspective.. Is the end. I'm talking about the fire, BB. Tell me about it."

Just from the word 'fire' being spoken so casually, images flashed in my mind, ones I fought hard to get rid of. I didn't want to see those bright red and orange flames ever again. Ever. Not in real life, not in my dreams, not on TV, not even when I close my eyes. They scared me. The only thing I can honestly say scares me.. Is fire.

"I also know about your fear of fire, BB." He sighed, as if he'd been reading my mind the entire time. "It's a phobia. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I myself have one of snakes." Dr. Phillip gave a slight, reassuring smile. I smirked, "I used to have a snake. If only you could've met him." He shook his head, pulling an unamused glare. "I'd rather not have.. Anyway.." He glanced towards the camera before looking back at me, urging me to answer his question.

_Flashback_

_Orange. Red. Yellow._

_The only three colors I could see. They surrounded me._

_The flames.. They were everywhere. At first there had only been one flame, from one tiny lighter, in my right hand. I didn't miss a single part on my body when pouring the gasoline, and that certainly included my face. This had to work. It couldn't fail. If Beyond Birthday was the fourth victim, death by fire, L would lose. The great L Lawliet would have one case on his hands that was unsolvable, with no criminal punished by law. And that was all the voice and I wanted. _

_Other than to die, of course._

_But the pain.. It was unbearable! I found it impossible to keep quiet, whimpering from the overwhelming pain and stumbling back to slam myself against the wall. I wasn't just surrounded with flames, I was up _in _flames! I opened my mouth to scream, squeezing my eyes shut tightly, but nothing would come out. My throat felt so incredibly dry, there was gasoline in my mouth, and my lips were probably burnt off by now! They had to have been! My mouth was so dry.. _

_I allowed the saltwater tears to flow from my crimson red eyes, for they provided the slightest relief, if only for a second, for whatever spot they chose to land on. I forced his eyes open, still fighting to scream and flailing about in the corner of the room. The fire alarms had been tampered with by yours truly earlier, I couldn't possibly make it out alive. Not that I wanted to... But fuck, couldn't I die faster?! I didn't think I could take it anymore! This had to be what the flames of Hell felt like, burning my skin black, what looked like dark crimson blood running down my body. My tears were no longer clear, they were now mixed with blood._

_**This is what we wanted! This is what YOU wanted! **__The voice in my head screamed, only making the pain worse for me. I couldn't even uncurl my fingers that desperately gripped the wall, much less respond, banging against the wall once more. _

_**We won, Beyond Birthday.**_

_**L lost.**_

_**Naomi Misora lost.**_

_**And A is waiting for us in the afterlife.**_

_**Don't you see? Everything has worked out just fine...**_

_**Now..**_

_**Die.**_

_It growled._

_I squeezed my burnt eyelids shut once more, finding it to be a miracle I could even close my eyes anymore, and prepared to die. My body numb, but somehow still managing to feel his skin burn black, I felt a sinister smile spread on my lips. And.. If my vocal chords would work.. I'd probably be laughing._

_I didn't have to see my lifespan to know this was it. _

_I won._

_L is After Beyond Birthday_

_LABB Murder Cases._

_A demonic growl escaped my lips._

_"See you in Hell, L Lawliet."_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_But then._

She _burst in the doors._

She _put out the fire at the last possible second._

She _checked my pulse to make sure I was alive._

She _arrested me._

She _solved the puzzle all by herself. And L took the credit._

_Naomi Misora._

_My biggest mistake.. Was underestimating her. _

_I will continue to believe that until the day I die._

_I barely remember the events that played out immediately after that, drifting in and out of consciousness as my wounds were treated in an all white emergency room, at one point I saw a bright light. I thought it was Heaven. I got excited. _

_It wasn't._

_I saw A's face when I closed my eyes.. And he was smiling. I thought I would die. I thought I would win. I thought I'd join A in the afterlife, and he'd forgive me for everything I did, and be _happy _I beat that son of a bitch. _

_**What a fool.**__ It told me._

_**Even if you **_**could**_** join Aiden in the afterlife.. Would he even **_**like**_** you anymore? You'd be disgusting in his eyes. A monster. Animal. He'd hate you. He wouldn't love you. He'd fear you, be afraid of you, wouldn't ever give you another one of those hugs or kisses you miss ever again. **_

_I wanted to tell the voice to shut up so badly.. But I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed. Near death._

_**No. You'll never see Aiden Hades again.. He went to Heaven. He is dead. You'd be lucky to go to the Shinigami realm and not Hell.. Because you wouldn't go anywhere else. **_

_I tried my best, and with a lot more effort than my tired body was willing to give, I was able to tune out that annoying voice and get the best rest I possibly could. I knew L wanted to interrogate me before sending me to a life sentence in prison, or to the asylum, the latter being the most likely choice. Not that I minded.. I knew I could escape. With how smart I was? Heh.. No problem._

_End of Flashback_

"And I was right.. Because soon enough.. I was face to face with L Lawliet again. And he told me it was interrogation time."


	10. Chapter 10

"Interrogation time, huh?" My doctor pressed.

"Yep.. I was blindfolded at first, they only took it off once I was sitting in a chair at the table, my wrists handcuffed behind my back and legs tied to the chair. It's not that _they_ really didn't trust me.. Just L's orders. L's precautions. One would assume so."

_Flashback_

_My vision was still a bit blurry from adjusting to a new lighting, the white bright light was the only source in the otherwise dark room. Being blindfolded for an hour or so, it took a moment to adjust myself. _

_"Backup."_

_The young detective greeted me immediately. My gaze immediately shifted to a cold glare up at L, imagining a triumphant smirk on his lips, when his facial expression was really just as monotonous as ever. I wanted to growl like a dog at him. Wanted him to come closer so I could try and bite him. Wanted to break out of these damn restraints and kill him before my escape. Unfortunately, I couldn't do any of these things.. Acting so childishly as to growl would only boost that damn ego of his even more._

_"Lawliet." I smirked, my crimson red hues shining a bit under the white light. He frowned, "Now, now, Backup, you know you're not supposed to speak my name out loud." L scolded like he would a child. _

_"I do what I want." I replied._

_"Clearly not, since you're stuck here." Damn L and his smug attitude. "Tch." I scoffed, averting my eyes over to the wall. I wish there was a window in here.. Anything other than a bright white light, a small metal table, two chairs, and that panda, Lawliet. _

_"I know everything that happened, B." He said my initial instead of 'Backup', which I guess was a little better.. "I also know you started going by 'Beyond Birthday' after leaving Wammy's Institution."L stated. I nodded my head in confirmation. Rue Ryuzaki was dead, as far as I was concerned. And I'd like to keep things that way. "Beyond Birthday is my only name. I would like it if you only referred to me by that alias." _

_"Very well.. Beyond.." L conceded, stepping forward and sitting in the chair across from be as he always used to, his knees hugged up to his chest. I looked down at his toes, watching the way he curled them, my eyes slowly traveling back up to meet his piercing gaze. Like he was trying to see right through me. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't exactly an open book._

_"Even though I know all that happened.. I still don't know what happened between point A and point B." He sighed, placing both hands on the table. "I'm talking, of course, about you getting from Wammy's House to Los Angeles. I want to know."_

_"Tch. Why would I tell you?" I grinned, raising an eyebrow and squirming a bit in my seat. Damn, this was so uncomfortable.. "I'm not going to attack you, Lawliet. You have my word. But I just can't get comfortable enough for story time if you don't release me from these bothersome restraints.. At least take the handcuffs off." I wiggled around a bit in the seat for emphasis._

_L blinked, "You know I can't do that, Ba-Beyond." He corrected himself. "You aren't exactly the most trustworthy man around.. Of course, neither am I, but you're more.. Unpredictable. Anything I say can trigger you, and we both know that."_

_Although he did have a point, I could see now that if being comfortable really meant a lot to me, I'd have to stick by my word.. "I promise on Aiden's grave that I won't attack you." I stated seriously, locking my eyes on the detective's. I could see the belief in his eyes. He knew I wasn't joking around when it came to A and his death. Why else would all of this have happened? There's no way I go back on a word like that.. Maybe if I promised on my Mother's grave, but not A's._

_"Well, when you promise me that.. How can I not believe you?" He sighed and slowly stood, stuffing both hands in his jeans pockets and walking up behind me. L crouched down a bit to unlock the cuffs with a small silver key in his pocket, slipping it back inside once finished, and my wrists were free. I smiled with relief and stretched my arms above my head, lowering them to examine the red wrists and sigh softly. "They're irritated.." I mumbled to myself, playing with my fingers and setting both hands on my lap, before glancing back up at L, who was now situated in that chair once more. "Thank you." Stupid panda._

_L simply nodded, and continued on with pressing me for answers. Although, I guess I should've suspected that.. This was an interrogation, after all. "I'm waiting, Beyond. Now keep your word and tell me."_

_"Well.. After escaping Wammy's that night, the first thing I did was head for the train station. Of course, I stole Roger's money as well as pool together mine and A's, so I had enough for both a train ticket to the airport, and a plane ticket to LA. I almost got my bag stolen on the train by some old drunk.. But I punched him out before he got the chance." I was once proud of this fact, and still was.. But I was also tired. "So.. Yeah.. I flew to Los Angeles. Not that much to tell, really."_

_"I know. I figured your story would go a little something like that. I just thought it'd be a good warm up." L explained, cracking his knuckles before biting his thumb nail. Ah, old habits never die. _

_"Now _I _have a question for _you_, L." I stated smugly, leaning forward a bit in my seat. I was allowed to place both elbows on the table, but my legs still remained tied to the chair. The detective blinked, "Oh, really? Go on." He urged._

_"Why have this interrogation, anyway? Usually these are done to provoke confessions from suspects.. But you already know I am the murderer behind this case. So why? Now, _I_ believe it's because you want to see me one last time. Get inside my head. Gloat about your supposed 'victory', when you really couldn't have done it without Misora's help. If I was any other person, you probably would've sent me to jail without so much as a goodbye. But no, I'm me. B. Backup. Beyond Birthday. And you just couldn't let me go without one last confrontation. Am I right?" I smirked._

_"..Yes, Beyond, you couldn't be more right about your deduction." He smiled slightly, thumb still resting on his bottom lip. "I wanted to see you one last time before your life sentence in prison. No, more like _needed _to.. And now that I have.." L stood, shrugging his shoulders. "I suppose there's really not much else to converse about."_

_I pouted, "You're going to allow those big scary men to come in and take me to jail?"_

_He chuckled, "That's right, Beyond. The little game you started between us is over. No matter what the circumstances, you lost. And you can deal with that behind bars. Where criminals belong." _

_"Oh, Lawliet, you're cute, you really are." I tried my best to stand before remembering I actually couldn't, settling back in the chair with a grumble and avoiding having to stare at that attractive smirk of L's.. The one I rarely got to see. "I'll be back. You think you can keep someone as intelligent as Beyond Birthday locked up forever? Ha. Good luck, but when I _do_ get out.. The first thing I have planned is to settle our score."_

_"And I'll be waiting for you, Beyond." L replied without missing a beat, giving a small smile before waving the guards in._

_"Goodbye, Beyond Birthday."_

_Goodbye, indeed._

. . .

_They kept me in a Los Angeles prison after that. It wasn't quite like I expected, no men getting trampled to death on the way to eat or rape going on in the showers. Movies always did overdramatize things, didn't they?_

_Most of the guys saw my scars from the fire, and figured me to be pretty tough, despite how I lacked the muscle a good half of them had. That's another thing I promised to myself when I finally broke out: I'd go to the gym at least once every other day. If I was going to live with these scars for the rest of my life, I should at least build up some muscle to make up for that.._

_Silly things to be worrying about while in prison, I know, but that's just how I was and am. Always making a joke of things. It's the only way I know how to deal. Aiden would always figure out the brighter side of situations, and help me deal with bad stuff to the best of his ability.. I miss that. No way would he be proud of a rotten criminal like me, I thought to myself every night alone in my almost empty cell. Laying in that white bed alone, sheets a bit stained with the blood of others and myself, hugging my pillow close to my chest. Sometimes I'd close my eyes, and pretend A was beside me. Sometimes it actually got me through things._

_But one guy _did_ figure it to be a good idea to challenge me in the cafeteria. Guess he just wanted to figure out if I was worthy of being fresh meat to them or not._

_"Hey, kid, you knocked my milk over." He grunted after jabbing his milk carton over with his own elbow, pinning the blame on me to see how I'd react. I heard his buddies snicker behind him, staring dead ahead at me. I raised an eyebrow, my emotionless facial expression never faltering for a second. The dumbass didn't even give me a chance to answer after that, standing up abruptly and slamming both hands down on the table, "You staring at me, kid?"_

_"..Yeah, obviously." I grunted in reply. "Trying to figure out what the fuck happened to your face." I spat, feeling a rush of anger build up inside me.. For some unknown reason. His buddied suddenly didn't look so confident, smirks dropping and eyes widening. What, did I just challenge the king here or something? ..Whatever._

_"What'd you say to me?" He growled, starting forward and getting real close up in my face. I liked my personal space. I also hated when people touched me. "What, are you deaf too? Jesus, cut it out with the pathetic attempt at asserting your nonexistant dominance, because I'm trying really hard not to laugh right now." _

_"Nonexistant?" His eyes widened. "Yeah, meaning.." I leaned closer with a devious grin. "Doesn't exist." I laughed. It seemed as if he had enough, pulling his fist back and swinging forward in an attempt to collide with my nose. I dodged quickly out of the way and grabbed his arm, twisting it back only to snap the bone as easily as one would snap a toothpick. He yelled out in pain, clutching his now broken and limp right arm. "Fuck.. I'm gonna kill you.." He growled. _

_"If you can't even punch me, I highly doubt you could do something like that." I teased with a soft hum, shrugging my shoulders calmly. "Now, let me show you how it's done." Before anyone could blink, _my_ fist made contact with _his _face instead, breaking his nose and getting dark crimson blood on my knuckles._

_Of course, guards were called over to break up the fight, but not before I allowed my alternate personality to break out and take all four of them on. By the time I was dragged away, they were all bruised and bloodied on the floor, considering themselves lucky if they were even still conscious. The other prisoners weren't even aware in the slightest I had such strength and power inside me.. But after that.. It was rare I got into any fights._

_I spent quite awhile in that prison.. And was cool with a few people. There was this one guy in the cell next to me, said his name was Zack. He wasn't too bad. He said he heard about me and somehow, though I never actually got to know why, knew my motives for the case. I don't know if he knew about A.. But he did know the LABB cases' purpose was to prove myself better than the detective who solved the case. He said I was cool, so I deemed him respectable. _

_End of flashback_

I don't know if Dr. Phillip was willing to take my word on everything that happened in prison, but he wrote it all down in that clipboard of his, nonetheless.

"And you successfully broke yourself out of prison.. Tell me about that."


	11. Chapter 11

"Yeah.. I figured you'd ask about that next." I smirked and cracked my knuckles, gaze shifting over from the floor to the doctor across from me. Sometimes, with certain events and people in my past, I find it hard to look people in the eye when I tell them. But if it was something I was proud of, such as this, then I certainly had no problem describing every last detail.

"I guess I should start from when the plan first went into action, during visiting hours.. An old friend payed me a visit."

_Flashback_

_I drummed my fingers impatiently against the table with a sigh, knee shaking out of habit underneath the table and eyes wandering around the room. Where was he? This visit was too important for that certain friend of mine to miss. If he did.. Then there would be no hope of my escape. I really would spend a life sentence in that hellhole. I wanted out more than you could imagine. Wanted to escape one of LA's 'finest' prisons L stuck me in and be free to walk the streets and kill again._

_I rested my chin in my hand and my elbow on the table, closing my eyes with another long sigh. I wasn't exactly tired.. Just drifting off in my own thoughts until X would show up._

_And he did... Only a few minutes late, of course._

_X was another student that attended Wammy's House along with A and I. His real name was Xavier, though I don't think I should give out his last name. He helped me out when I needed it, even though he expected a little favor in return, and it could really fuck things up if his last name was known. So I will leave it at that._

_I felt movement in front of me and rose my head, eyes fluttering open and blinking a few times to focus my vision on the familiar face in front of me. He smiled slightly and nodded in greeting, "Hey." But I simply waved it off._

_"Do you have it?" I got straight to the point, looking him up and down with a clearly expectant facial expression. "Yeah." X smirked slightly, glancing around before unfolding his hand. There on his palm rested two pills, guaranteed to make anyone's heartbeat slow down, to the point where they would appear dead. Just what I needed. X was in the medical field now, so it really wasn't difficult for him to obtain these pills.. And I guess I made an excellent choice cutting a deal with him._

_I smirked in approval and smoothly took the pills into my own hand, crimson red eyes shining a bit as I looked down at my palm. These two simple pills, to me, they were the key to freedom. "Thanks." I grinned up at X, playing with them a bit between my fingers. "So, how long until they take effect?"_

_"Thirty minutes, more or less." X responded, rubbing the back of his neck. _

_"Good. Plenty of time." I sighed and raised my hand to my mouth, popping both of the tiny white pills into my mouth and swallowing them down. X watched in silence, waiting until I had lowered my hand before patting my arm. "Be careful." For once, the brunette had a serious look on his face. "Aren't I always?" I smirked, keeping up the usual attitude despite the fear that started to make itself known from X's words. If this didn't work… things were sure to only get worse._

_I ended the visit earlier than usual this time, focusing only on making sure I returned to my prison cell within thirty minutes. I allowed the guard to snap handcuffs back onto my wrists before leading me down the hall, walking obediently into my cell and taking a seat on the plain white bed._

_'Thirty minutes…' _

_I sighed to myself, hanging my head as I thought. _

_'I can do it…'_

_But for the next twenty-eight minutes, all I could think of was different scenarios of how the event would take place. Ones where my plan failed and I got an even worse punishment, ones where I was sent to execution, and even ones where I made it out alive. Needless to say, those were my favorites._

_"One minute to go…" I sighed, standing up and stretching my legs. "Show time." I could already feel the pills taking effect, my vision going slightly blurred and my legs feeling akin to jello. I took a deep breath and prepared how a heart attack would sound in my mind, biting my bottom lip in concentration. Good thing crazy BB had to be given his own cell..._

_I inhaled sharply and let out an agonizing groan, clutching my chest and dropping to my knees. If it weren't for the pills, I might have burst out laughing and ruined my own plan. Prison guards rushed to my cell, already thinking Kira had struck again. I whimpered in pain and fell to my side, body shaking and squeezing my eyes shut. I panted heavily for a moment before slowly going still, forcing my muscles to relax and eyelids to stop their rapid fluttering._

_After taking my pulse, a guard claimed loudly for all to hear that Beyond Birthday was dead. And said corpse fought the smirk that threatened to spread on his lips, breathing so slowly… so subtly… no one would see a thing._

_I kept up the act excellently even as they set my limp body on the gurney, even allowing myself to fall into a light sleep for the purpose of passing time. I felt the cold air of outside hit my face as I was brought into the morgue, an excited and joyful fluttering feeling in my heart. I did it! The hard part was over. Now came the fun…_

_I waited until only one worker was in the room, where my supposedly dead body was being kept in, before slowly opening my eyes, groaning inwardly when I felt the pills were only just now wearing off. But I suppose that was a good thing, better later than sooner._

_I pulled myself up into a sitting position, watching the mortuary worker turn and face me with an expression of pure shock and fear. But I simply laughed at this and swung my legs over the side, standing and looking the other up and down. My grin spread to Cheshire cat-like proportions, taking another intimidating step forward and focusing my vibrant red eyes on the worker's frightened blue hues._

_I waved goodbye mockingly before darting forward, pinning him against the wall and snapping his neck in one swift motion. I chuckled and watched the lifeless body fall to the floor, a permanent look of fright on his face. "Meh. I would've preferred a knife, but I suppose that was the quicker method." I giggled as only a madman could, grabbing some clean mortuary scrubs to cover myself with before making my way out of the building._

_I practically skipped outside and looked down both empty streets, a grin still playing on my lips as I started in the left direction. And why wouldn't I be so overyjoyed? My plan worked! Of course, I couldn't have done it without X's help.. And normally I might consider going back on our deal.. But the favor I owed him was something I had no trouble with doing, something that would actually make me happy. Killing off a few men he didn't necessarily like. Seemed easy enough._

_"How do you want it done?" I once asked him._

_"Be creative." He answered simply._

_"I made it… X. It worked. I made it…" I spoke only to myself, laughing quietly and looking down at my feet as I walked. "Of course, I'll come find you, X. But for now… L." I spoke the letter with a voice of disgust, imagining the detective's face in my mind._

_"I'm coming for you, L…"_

_Laughter echoed through the night._

_Beyond Birthday was back._

_End of Flashback_

Just thinking of this made my eyes light up, smirking deviously and chuckling to myself. "What a rush I got escaping prison that day.. If I could go back and do it again, I most certainly would."

Dr. Phillip sighed and nodded his head. He could never understand. Not like a true murderer could. Someone who is familiar with and craves that rush they get from killing.. That is someone I'd much prefer to associate myself with.

"I see.. So what about these men this 'X' asked you to kill? Did you do it?"

"Yep. There were three of them. The first one I took down silently by covering his mouth and nose with a rag soaked in chloroform. He fell unconscious instantly, and after that, I slit his neck and allowed him to bleed to death while I handled the other two. The first five people I killed since escaping prison were that first mortuary worker, a young girl out on the streets at the wrong time, and those three men. I only remember one of their names though; David. Normally people wouldn't remember any of their names if they saw hundreds of names a day like I do.. But.. I have an excellent memory as well. One of the very few things L complimented me on."

"Okay.." Dr. Phillip nodded, writing out a quick sentence or two on his clipboard. "What happened between you and X after that?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Not really sure. Guess we just went our seperate ways. I do hope he's making a better life for himself now, though."

"He was from Wammy's House, right?" My doctor clarified, twirling his pen between two fingers absentmindedly. "And I take it you two weren't exactly friends as youngsters?"

"That's right. The only friend I had was Aiden, no one else. Everyone else either avoided me from the start, or I scared them off." I nodded, chewing on the inside of my bottom lip. "I could really go for some strawberry shortcake right now, doc."

"Not possible, BB.." A faint smile flickered on his lips, shaking his head and adjusting his glasses with a sigh. "Tell me about the other children. I understand first and last names are important to be kept as a secret, but.."

"Oh. Gladly."

_Flashback_

_My mind sort of works similar to how a computer would. It's like my memories are a database in a computer, and I can remember almost everything I ever learned. Extraordinary smarts, I guess. A was like that too. And L._

_I could go on and on about A. How he was the only person I ever met who was genuinely kind and had a big heart, beautiful on both the inside and out, and never failed to brighten up my day. He was smarter than I, the first in line successor for L, and absolutely hated being called Alternate, just as I with Backup._

_He would always encourage me to do better in my classes, even help me with homework so I wouldn't slack off or fall behind in any classes. Sometimes I wouldn't really get things taught to us since I wasn't putting in all my effort.. But somehow, when A explained it to me, it made ten times more sense... After he scolded me for staring at him instead of the paper._

_He had a real talent in the musical department too, as well as academics. Both of us learned to play the piano, but I was the one to teach him. I felt so happy that day he asked me to teach him how to play. Finally _I _was the one showing _him _something. He never knew how to play guitar, and I learned after the LABB cases. Oh, but he did know violin. Wish he taught me that._

_If I started talking about A again, I'll never shut up._

_B was me. Backup. Rue Ryuzaki. A, L, Watari and Roger were the only ones to know my birth name. A found out by accident, and the others were obviously going to find out. Though I don't think L really remembered.. _

_Then there was C, or Cynthia. C was the first girl to stay at Wammy's House. We only talked a few times before, but she did try to be my friend. It isn't that I frightened her off, I just started annoying her after awhile. Either responding in a rude way whenever she'd try to start conversation or pulling her pigtails. She always wore two braided pigtails every day. I don't think I ever saw her without them. And she was the third best in class, after Aiden and I. _

_X, or Xavier, was another student, obviously. He wasn't exactly the best in his classes, but he wasn't the worst either. He was best at science and mathematics rather than anything else, and did always talk about becoming a doctor or scientist in the future. I don't think he mentioned this around Roger, Watari or L, though.. Since it was expected of us to strive to succeed L and become the world's greatest detective._

_X, Y and Z were almost always together whenever you saw them. Y's real name was Oliver, and Z was Jacob. Much like how A and I were inseperable, I suppose it went the same with them. I would also like to know if they still are in touch, even though they're probably no longer in Wammy's._

_There were a lot of kids at the institution, it'd be impossible to go through them all, even if I _did_ remember.. Of course there were more later on when Mello and Near attended, but a decent amount during my time. More males than females. K and C were the first two females, the ones who stuck together mostly. Q was the one to go to if you ever needed help with anything electrical or having to do with computers. I actually believe he was the one to help Mail- I mean Matt, into the great hacker he is today. And both Matt and Q have helped me in the past. H, Henry, was a real dick. His lifespan was short too. Everytime I saw him I'd laugh because I knew he didn't have much time to live anyway.. Actually.. He might be dead right now. _

_Sometimes I do miss those good old days.. _

_But then I snap myself out of it and carry on._

**. . .**

**Author's Note: If you have any suggestions on memories you might want to hear about, please review them. It'd help me out a lot. I hope you all are enjoying reading this fic as much as I'm enjoying writing it. :) -BB**


	12. Chapter 12

The doctor simply nodded in response to what I had to say about the children of Wammy's House.

After that, we had a short break, while he got up for two glasses of water. One for himself, and one for me. Of course, mine had to have a straw, since my wrists were still restrained in this damn straitjacket.. But I was glad to finally have a drink, so I didn't argue. Besides, even if I did, it was clear no one was willing to trust me that much anyway.

I took a sip from the straw and sighed, quietly looking up at the man opposite of me.

"When you were a child in Wammy's Institution, did this voice talk to you then? Or did you really start noticing after Aiden's death?" He asked me.

I bit my lip in thought for a moment, casting a glance down at the floor. It was true that I really started noticing after A died.. But that wasn't when it started up. No, if I thought hard enough.. I probably couldn't pinpoint an exact time when I started hearing that voice in my head. Maybe I first started switching personalities after his death, but before that...

"Before A died, the voice _did _talk to me inside my head.. But I didn't start switching until after." I shrugged, choosing my words carefully. If it's one thing I learned, it was to word my answers wisely.

"Well.. Tell me about it."

_Flashback_

_I caused a lot of mischief in Wammy's House._

_I was the most trouble out of all the children there. Whether it was stealing from others' belongings or from the kitchen, writing or painting on the walls, even taking it upon myself to redo other childrens' hair in their sleep.. I was a troublemaker._

_For example.. I once cut off a girl's braid in her sleep. Her name was K. When she woke up, she screamed so loud that it'd be impossible to be in the same house and _not _hear her. She ran crying to Roger, and I got in big trouble for that.. Guess her hair was just that important to her. _

_Another time, I grabbed red paint from Roger's office supply closet, and painted a huge 'B' on the wall in the hallway outside his door. Of course, even if I hadn't written a 'B', it'd be no secret for anyone to figure out who had done that. Not only did I have to wash it off the wall myself, but I had more cleaning duty. What an unfair punishment, if you ask me._

_There were many more incidents. Too many to get into detail about. But the same person always told me to go through with each and every one. And that person was the voice inside my head. Not A. Not myself. No. If I'd been alone, no one would have convinced me, and half of those stupid things I probably never would've done._

_A tried to talk me out of things so many times... But I just kept getting convinced on how fun and awesome they'd be to go through with. I dyed my hair purple with temporary dye, released rats throughout Wammy's House, even stole Roger's glasses and hid them in H's room. _

_But there was one idea I came up with all by myself, that I needed no amount of convincing for._

_It was around midnight, and we were all supposed to be asleep two hours ago. But I just couldn't sleep.. Not with an empty stomach and a craving for sweets. More specifically, that new strawberry shortcake Watari had brought over for L earlier. This was one of those times L and Watari were staying with us, and they were rare. After us first generation kids.. I think it went from rare, to never._

_I walked downstairs to the kitchen, glad that I was a child with light footsteps, and quickly made my way over to the fridge. In my mind, this was sort of like a fun game, the objective being to grab the cake and bring it back to my room without getting caught. I was sure I'd eat it all, and only leave the empty box there tomorrow. It wasn't a guarantee that I'd get in trouble.. But even if I did, so what? _

_However, just as I had the cake in both hands, spinning around to make my way back to my room, I came face to face with a wide awake L. My grin faded, and my innocent eyes widened a bit. I almost called L by his real name. "L.." I blinked._

_"Hello, Backup."_

_My eyes narrowed. "It's B."_

_"Your alias is Backup." He stated bluntly._

_"I hate my alias."_

_"That may be. But it is still your alias.. However, if you really insist upon being called B, I will do so for the time being." L offered._

_I shrugged my shoulders. Clearly that was the best I would get from the young detective. I hugged the cake box protectively to my chest, though he still saw it, gaze shifting from my eyes to my arms. "Is that my cake..?" He asked quietly._

_"No.. It's my cake.." I mumbled, shifting a bit where I stood and starting to walk past L. But he stepped in my path, effectively blocking me from walking back upstairs._

_"You should not take things that don't belong to you, B. Stealing is bad." He scolded me with a much too casual facial expression. Then again, his facial expressions rarely did change._

_"I didn't. This is mine." I lied once again._

_L sighed, "I would allow you a slice of my cake if you admit it is not yours... And apologize."_

_I frowned and chewed on my bottom lip. Apologizing? That was not something I did well. And clearly L would not fall for any cute innocent act I could come up with.. So.. "It's your cake. Sorry." I forced out, unable to look him in the eyes._

_L nodded his head and gave the slightest of smiles, quickly taking the box from me. He set it down on the counter and opened the top before I had the chance to blink, taking a nice big knife from the kitchen drawer, the kind I love to play with, and cutting a decent sized slice for me. I was pleasantly surprised, since I figured L would only give me a little bit of his cake._

_"Thank you." I smiled, taking the slice on a plate and eating with my hands. He looked down at me with a disapproving sigh, shaking his head and handing over a fork. "Here." _

_I shrugged my shoulders and took the fork, digging in and shoveling pieces of cake into my mouth quickly. Strawberry shortcake.. Man I love that stuff. Almost as much as strawberry jam. _

_Suddenly, I felt myself speak. I hadn't thought of any words beforehand, which led me to only one conclusion.. It was talking. That other side of me. It spoke for me. "What do you think of me, L?"_

_L blinked a few times, as if processing my question, and biting his thumb as he always did. "Hm.. What do I think of B.." He mumbled to himself, looking down at the tiles of the kitchen floor. "You are a bright and unique child, B. You stand out from the other children. I look forward to see how your future turns out. I think you would make a fine successor, despite how.. Others may think of you." His opinion of me was worded surprisingly polite. I was happy._

_And this showed from the genuine smile on my lips. "Thank you." I told him simply, putting the fork and empty plate down on the counter. He nodded, "Don't you think you should be getting off to bed now?" _

_I tilted my head slightly, "Will you tell anyone about this?" _

_L shook his head, "I don't see a reason to.. As long as you know better than to repeat tonight's experience."_

_Of course, I lied right off the bat. "Of course I do."_

_L didn't seem to believe me completely.. But he let the matter drop. "Alright." He pointed to the staircase. "Goodnight, B."_

_I nodded and smiled, walking quickly but quietly back up to my bedroom. After that, I was able to get a good night's sleep, with thoughts of L on my mind._

_Of course, none of my other antics ended so positively, but that one had to have been a favorite of mine. It was the first time L and I could walk away without a challenging stare, and had genuine smiles on our faces. Almost like friends._

_Sometimes I believe L knew about the voice from a very young age. Unlike everyone else, he was way more intelligent, and observant. He saw me when I talked to myself, saw me when I cut myself off in the middle of a sentence and looked deep in thought.. Almost as if I was listening to someone else talk. Someone that he could not hear._

_He never asked about it though. What a shame. I would have gladly explained anything he wanted to know, even if I myself found it difficult to fully understand._

_But I shouldn't just go into negative details about what the voice did. It also helped me in times when I was in trouble. If Roger was interrogating me in his office, I always had the answers. Whether they were the truth, lies, or just plain out made me sound like a smartass, they were still answers. And they always worked. Thanks to that special voice._

_The only person I ever really allowed to tell me what to do, what to say, what to think.. Even how to act._

_And this carried on into my teenage years, as you could imagine.. What with the LABB cases, that damn voice never left me alone, even if I now began to actually want it to. It took control sometimes, switching personalities and unable to remember anything except a blur from what had happened. I didn't kill Quarter Queen. He did. Beyond Birthday. I killed Believe Bridesmaid, and Backyard Bottomslash. But Quarter Queen? A thirteen year old girl? No. That was all him._

_And I preferred it that way. _

**Author's Note: More suggestions are always welcome!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: When Beyond is speaking with other characters while in Italy, such as Vittoria, he is not speaking in English. He's actually speaking Italian, though I'd rather not put translations all over the place.**

"I understand you've been to several countries, BB. And I'm excluding England and America.." Dr. Phillip prompted.

I nodded. "After escaping prison, I had to travel around a lot, so L could not locate me again.. I was born in England. But I've lived in several American states, Japan, London, Italy.. The list goes on, really. Although most were only for a month, at most."

My doctor raised his eyebrow, and wrote what I told him down on the clipboard. I was expecting that. The world had no knowledge that I was hiding away in places such as London or Italy... But now they would. I was just excellent at covering my tracks, I guess."

"..I met a girl in Italy."

This seemed to catch his attention. His head snapped back up, and he checked the camera to make sure it was still recording. Of course it was. But he was the type of man who'd rather be safe than sorry, I'd assume.

"Did you? Tell me about her."

_Flashback_

_The reasonable amount of time I should have spent in Venice, Italy was now coming to an end. I knew if I stayed much longer than another five days.. That could be risky. The people in my area knew there was a crazed murderer among them, though the presence of Beyond Birthday hadn't crossed anyone's mind. In fact, they were only searching for me in America and England. What, did no one thing I could be living in Europe?_

_"One last kill." I decided that day, nodding to myself and finishing what was left of my third strawberry jam jar today on the couch. "Tonight I'll pick out one last pretty Italian girl to kill... After I bring her back here for a little fun, of course.. Haha.." I chuckled to myself and sat up straighter, licking the jam from my fingers before changing TV channels._

_Nothing interested me today, so watching TV wasn't exactly an easy passtime right now. I decided to spend the next few hours drawing, a hobby I'd improved on over the years. I draw whatever comes to mind. This is often my past victims, along with their bloody corpses and gruesome deaths. But it can often be L too, or even A. I always keep every single drawing, though. And being the perfectionist that I am, each and every finished drawing must turn out just right._

_I glanced down at yet another finished drawing of A, that same happy grin on his face I remember so well. I've drawn him so many times with the same facial expression, all my drawings of A could start to look the same. But I don't care. That's the only way I want to remember him. Not how I found him in the closet. Not how he looked before being lowered into the ground at his funeral. Not even when there were tears in his eyes. No.. Only when that beautiful smile graced his lips, just as one appeared on my own when thinking about him._

_I sighed and stood from my seat by the kitchen table, gaze shifting towards the dark sky outside the nearby window. "Time to go out.." I hummed to myself, cleaning up the small workspace before I'd go upstairs and get ready. Once I had on the usual attire along with a pair of bloodstained sneakers, and had two knives slipped up both sleeves, I was fully prepared and ready to go._

_It really didn't take me long to find her that night._

_Vittoria Marino, it said above her head. Her lifespan only had a few months, tops. How interesting... If only I could stick around and watch how she would be killed. But there were two problems with that: One, I would not stick around. And two, she would be dead by me, and me alone._

_I immediately followed behind this new girl I took quite an interest in, my slightly narrowed crimson eyes fixated on the back of her head. Her chestnut brown hair was long and curly, and she shivered in the thin fabric of that navy blue jacket. It almost made me chuckle to watch her as she quickened her pace to reach home, most likely. Perhaps she'd felt a presence behind her... But that might be just overthinking things. It wasn't a particularly warm night after all, the wind had just started picking up. _

_But this was taking a bit too long for my liking... I seized the opportunity when she walked right past an alleyway, and grabbed hold of her arm. Before she could scream, I shoved her against the dirty brick wall and clamped a rag soaked in chloroform over her mouth. Her hazel eyes widened in shock and disbelief, I watched as they slowly started to close, and she drifted into unconsciousness. I smirked and stuffed the cloth back in my pocket, picking up her surprisingly light body and carrying her over my shoulder back to the house. _

_I'd be a fool to kill her off right away, I told myself. For she was different. Was it her appearance that intrigued me, or simply her death date? I knew nothing about her personality, I only made small assumptions by the way she walked, or even just her facial expression. Neutral and calm, maybe just a bit of confidence to her stride. And when I pulled her up against the wall - There was fear, naturally - But also.. Expectance. Almost as if she knew this was going to happen. So maybe she did notice my presence. _

_I watched her as she woke up, probably still a bit out of it and dizzy due to the chloroform earlier. However, she couldn't find enough strength to free herself from the restraints I'd fastened on her wrists and ankles, successfully keeping her on the lone bed in the middle of an empty grey room._

_"Rise and shine, my dear.." I chuckled and kicked the door shut behind me, locking it with one swift movement before turning to face her in bed. Her eyes narrowed a bit accusingly, but I could still plainly see the fear written all over her face. "I thought you might be rude and try to leave before we got to play... So the restraints were essential. I do apologize." I grinned, licking my lips as I stared down at my interesting new 'toy'. _

_"You might have noticed I removed your clothes while you were sleeping, but be grateful I allowed you to keep your underwear on. I could've just as well taken those.." I smirked, eyeing her up and down in a lustful way on purpose. I actually wanted her to be afraid and creeped out by me, so her failed attempt at covering herself was a bit funny in my eyes._

_"Are you hungry, sweetheart? You must be. Would you like some strawberry jam?" Just as I'd finished my sentence, she decided to find her voice and speak up. "You.. Bastard.." Vittoria coughed, her eyelids fluttering a bit unintentionally. 'I see... The side effects still haven't worn off yet, huh?' I thought._

_"Aw, now that isn't very nice... Be careful, I am not the type of guy who's feelings you'd want to hurt.." I chuckled, my eyes shining a bit more vibrant ruby red on command. Did this shock some sense into her? Nope. I was learning quickly that this one had a fiery temper. "Let me go." She demanded. "Let me go, I want to go home-!"_

_"I'm afraid that is impossible, dear. After all, even if I was stupid enough to let you go... Things wouldn't end well for me, now would they? No, in this world, no one is able to keep their big mouth shut..." I shook my head disapprovingly, touching her stomach lightly with the tip of my knife. She shivered in displeasure and tried so hard to recoil away from me in disgust, but could not do so with the ever-so-helpful restraints. _

_"Don't worry, I'll take _real _good care of you, Vittoria..." I hummed. Her eyes widened a bit, blinking away a few tears before opening her mouth to speak once more. "How.. How do you know my name?" I chuckled at her predictable question. "It's a secret, my dear... One that will be answered in time.. However, you may not believe my answer, and that will be unfortunate. But hey, I guess it doesn't really matter to me, huh?" I winked and pierced the skin lightly on her side, cutting in a straight line towards her belly button._

_I pulled the blade back and examined the thin line of blood I'd created, licking off whatever got on my knife with a sly smirk. "Your blood is sweet.. How lucky of you. That means you may just get to live a little while longer, Vittoria."_

_I had to reconsider the simple schedule I'd made up for myself last week. I told myself I would leave on Friday, but now I wasn't so sure. Today was Wednesday, and I couldn't see myself killing Vittoria so soon. Something inside me didn't want to. It wasn't compassionate feelings or anything like that, just... Almost like a warning against killing her for the time being. An inner voice insisted. One that I'd instructed myself to listen to no matter what. For it was always right._

_The following morning I went straight down the hall to Vittoria's room, not even bothering to do anything else first. I pushed open the door to the room carelessly, my eyes landing on the wide awake young girl.. Speaking of which.. She couldn't have been a day over eighteen, could she?_

_"How old are you?" I demanded in a tone that silently ordered her to tell the full truth. "I-I'm nineteen.." She responded. I noticed her wrists and ankles had dried up blood staining the restraints, and they were red and sore from her struggling throughout the night. Her eyes were puffy and red from tears, and her hair was only slightly more knotty than it had been yesterday. Perhaps if she had moved around a bit more without access to a brush, it would look even wilder. The thought sent a small chuckle to my lips, before it disappeared as quickly as it came._

_I opened my mouth to speak, however I was surprised to be cut off by the stubborn female's voice. "What's your name?" Vittoria asked, a serious expression on her own tired face. I blinked and raised an eyebrow at her, as if silently questioning her sudden surge of confidence. "My name... is Beyond Birthday."_

_Vittoria's eyes widened. "Beyond... Birthday..." "Ah, I know, I'm quite famous, aren't I?" I smirked and flipped out my pocket knife, touching the cold blade lightly to her tear stained cheek. She flinched and averted her gaze to the ceiling, biting her lower lip. How cute. "I.. Know you.. I've researched you.."_

_Yet again, I was slightly surprised. Though I did not dare to let this show, threatening to make a cut in her cheek if provoked. "Researched me, huh?" I pressed for more details. She nodded, though quickly realized how much of a mistake that was to have moved her cheek and unintentionally cut herself. "Yes.. Sometimes I like to research the big news going on in the states, so of course you came up.. It was difficult not to stumble across you, actually."_

_"And what do you think of me, my dear?"_

_"I think.. You're highly intelligent.. But you are also a fool." Her eyes narrowed a bit in a glare, though they remained fixated on the ceiling. And the fact that she could say this to me without a hint of regret... It was intriguing. "Oh, yeah? Well, don't keep me waiting, do explain how..." I touched the knife down to her arm instead, piercing the skin by her bare shoulder blade._

_Vittoria winced and squirmed a bit uselessly, but continued on anyway. For she had no idea what punishment would lie in store for her if she were to stop talking now. "You carelessly underestimated that FBI agent who stopped you from burning to death... You said so yourself." She knew I couldn't get mad at her for taking a direct quote from my past. Then again, I was never a very rational guy. _

_"I always thought what you were doing was wrong. Murder is murder, no excuses. I believed you to be a cold hearted serial killer, just like the rest, and was glad when you were caught. I was a bit upset you were not executed for the murder of that innocent little girl, but tried to shrug it off, and forget all about you..._

_Until I figured out why you kill."_

_My knife paused as it was cutting a long steady line down her arm, crimson hues traveling back up to her face. Not once did she flinch or even furrow her brows at the cuts I was making. They had to have stung, even if only a little... Was she that concentrated with her speaking?_

_"What do you mean: 'You figured out why I kill'?" I asked._

_"I don't know very much, so little is released about your past. But you were a troubled child, Beyond. You were doing this to get back at the detective, L." I glared when she spoke his name, but still allowed her to finish. "I don't know why.. But I've assumed you have a bit of a history with him. I assumed you two knew eachother, and that the murders you did in Los Angeles were simply a battle of wits.. I also led myself to believe that L hurt you deeply. But what I want to know..." Her eyes met mine. "Is what he did to you."_

_My slightly wider eyes blinked, but did not waver away from the girl. She really didn't seem that smart on the outside... But she figured me out, didn't she? And if a little more information about A had been provided on the internet, even just the fact that he existed, she would have pieced it all together. How smart this girl was. She'd almost make a worthy accomplice, should I ever need someone by my side while killing._

_"Although you are 100% correct... You do not need to know my business." With that, I slit the knife in a straight line across her upper arm, smirking with satisfaction from the whimper I gained. "Do not grow so confident, my dear.. Chances are you will not be making it out of this alive."_

_"If I won't, then there's really no point than keeping anything from my curious mind, now is there?" She huffed, squirming and almost wiggling a bit on the bed. As I licked my knife clean of her dark and still sweet as ever blood, my wandering eyes scanned her up and down. She watched me warily, trying and failing to sit up._

_After a long moment in silence of consideration, I slowly nodded, surprising us both._

_"I suppose not." _


End file.
